Scientific study shows ‘thoughts and prayers’ reduce violence by 0%

Scientific study shows ‘thoughts and prayers’ reduce violence by 0%

DAVE WEASEL LAS VEGAS, NV – A scientific study conducted at Forlorn University shows...


Trump builds wall around Florida to keep Hurricane Jose Out

Trump builds wall around Florida to keep Hurricane Jose Out

MARY GRACE LAMBERT Early Thursday morning, President Donald Trump rose from Jared and Ivanka’s...


Mooch Fired for Telling Substitute Teacher There Was Homework Over Weekend

Mooch Fired for Telling Substitute Teacher There Was Homework Over Weekend

DAVE WEASEL WASHINGTON – Surpassing all expectations, lunatic Anthony Scaramucci lasted an entire 10...


Ghosts of Trans soldiers weigh in on dying for your freedom to hate them

Ghosts of Trans soldiers weigh in on dying for your freedom to hate them

DAVE WEASEL CALICO, CA – Phantoms of dead American Trans soldiers gathered today for...


John McCain saved by free health care in time to revoke it from 32 million

John McCain saved by free health care in time to revoke it from 32 million

DAVE WEASEL WASHINGTON – In a dramatic turn of events, Sen. John McCain returned...


Zombies Debate Whether or Not to Eat American Brains

Zombies Debate Whether or Not to Eat American Brains

MARY GRACE LAMBERT LITTLE ROCK, AR – With another GOP health care measure stuck...


Sean Spicer resigns and returns to the bushes

Sean Spicer resigns and returns to the bushes

DAVE WEASEL WASHINGTON – Sean Spicer gave up the glamorous life as the White...


Trump and Pence celebrate six month anniversary

Trump and Pence celebrate six month anniversary

DAVE WEASEL WASHINGTON – President Trump and his pet gremlin Mike Pence commemorated their...


Trump legal team devises strategy for Russia case

Trump legal team devises strategy for Russia case

DAVE WEASEL WASHINGTON – After a lawyer left the Trump Team Legal Squad like...


Ann Coulter scolds Delta for flying too close to the sun

Ann Coulter scolds Delta for flying too close to the sun

DAVE WEASEL WEST PALM BEACH, FL – Ann Coulter recently humiliated herself in a...


Office jerk makes enough coffee for one

Office jerk makes enough coffee for one

DAVE WEASEL TARZANA, CA – An irrated group of people watched as their co-worker...


Donald Trump Jr. Gives Up On Plans to Learn Russian Alphabet

Donald Trump Jr. Gives Up On Plans to Learn Russian Alphabet

MARY GRACE LAMBERT WASHINGTON – In an effort to totally-nonchalant-nothing-to-see-here communicate with anyone Russian,...


AZ sets firearm wait period for ex-cons to ‘length of Uber ride from jail to office’

AZ sets firearm wait period for ex-cons to ‘length of Uber ride from jail to office’

DAVE WEASEL PHOENIX, AZ – Lawmakers in Arizona have hit a new low —...


Paul Ryan implements dress code: women required to cover arms and mouths

Paul Ryan implements dress code: women required to cover arms and mouths

DAVE WEASEL WASHINGTON – Women on Capital Hill are now banned from wearing sleeveless...