Teen gets pregnant from doing weed for first time; then dies


DAVE WEASEL

OLYMPIA WA, – A 15 year old girl was found dead and pregnant in her room by her parents Friday afternoon. Police were informed of her debaucherous lifestyle including a drug binge that started -for the first time- Thursday evening.

Depressed-Girl

“She went out with her friends last night after dinner, the same sweet girl we always knew and loved. I just don’t know how she can be so irresponsible at such a young age” sobbed her mother, Sam Kennedy, age 29. “We raised her better than that, in church! Her friends said they were laughing hysterically! Hysteria! They were also we to some place to get a ‘Net-fix’, to get whatever a ‘Bob’s Burger’ is.  I think that’s code for crack since marijuana is a gateway drug.”

“Frankly, I’m glad she’s dead,” her father Kevin Frum bellowed. “One hit, that’s it. That was our rule.  If you hoot, you get the boot.  Doing the bong is doing the wrong.  I can’t remember the rest, but she died a junky.  Marijuana is addictive, because of facts.  It’s more addictive than LSD and heroin, also because of facts.  It causes pregnancy, like it did our daughter. These are facts.”

EDIT: the teenage girl turned out not to be pregnant, she was just full of Cheetos and Sunkist lemonade, causing what’s known as a ‘food baby’ in the marijuana criminal underworld. 

EDIT II: The teenage girl wasn’t dead, just sleeping heavily for 13 hours. 

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Dave Weasel

writer | comedian | musician | canadian | etc

What others say about : Teen gets pregnant from doing weed for first time; then dies..


TJR

Hahaha. …omg people. Its a sarcastic joke….do you not understand sarcasm? ??? Obviously this is not true.

Sheila Rogge

No it’s true. I have had approximately seven food babies (I’ve been pregnant with eight of them but sadly lost the 8th one due to early contractions in the bathroom). All of this was due to the abuse of The weed. I am thinking about weaning off of the weed using Herion but weed is very very addictive and I can’t bring myself to do it. Maybe I’ll try methadone. I just can’t keep popping out these food babys….. it’s sad. It really is.

Bry

This shit is retarded. And so are the parents. And the writer. NO ONE HAS EVER DIED OF USING MARIJUANA. Y’all are fucking retards for believing this story. Gets pregnant and dies after a majojuana binge… HAHAHAHAHAHA… Probably had a food baby not a real one.

Ashleybear93

This Stuff is meant to be FUUUUUUUNNYYYYYY. If you don’t think it’s funny then don’t read it. Nobody is forcing you.

Lonaaucoin12

Her dad is a cruel human to be happy his daughter is dead. Honestly he was probably on weed too. He is a horrible person to
Be that way.

juggalobird

This is stupid. Not real and untrue. Marijuana is not addictive. It’s especially not as bad as heroine. LTD is even better than heroine. These people are just stupid. Why would you say it’s a good thing your daughter is dead? That’s uncalled for and horrible for a parent to say. They shouldn’t be parents. This poor girl is only 15 and they expect her not to experiment. I bet they smoked weed and more when they were her age. Hell they probably done a hell of alot worse. FK these parents.

Justme

First what’s Ltd? Limited drug use? I think you meant lsd.
2ndly NOT true
3rdly- she didn’t die from good old Mary Jane, it said at end she just slept for 19 hrs
&
Finally not true

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