CEDAR RAPIDS, IA – Police and fire-paramedics were called to a restaurant when it had to close its doors early on Tuesday evening after a woman spent 45 minutes in the bathroom causing ‘unbearable, inhuman stench’.
The 34 year old woman kicked open the restaurant doors, shouting “out of the way, I’m prairie-dogging!” and ran through the dining area, which was at capacity.
“We were so crowded, people were waiting up to two hours for a table,” says the hostess. “In comes this crazy woman, already smelling like she dumped her pants, running towards the bathroom.”
One customer adds, “I couldn’t breathe. I knew she was in there blasting fudge monkeys, but the smell was toxic. I had to take my son to the hospital, they thought he was exposed to sulphur. This woman is a monster, human beings are not capable of something so foul.”
The first responding firefighters had to go in with oxygen tanks. “Never in my 30 years on the job have I seen anything so rancid,” states the Fire Chief. “It was dangerous sending my guys in there, but we had to rescue the 200+ people trapped and unable to move. These men are heroes.”
The woman was arrested for domestic terrorism and held on $4 000 000 bail.