Woman arrested for stinking up bathroom and closing down restaurant


DAVE WEASEL

CEDAR RAPIDS, IA – Police and fire-paramedics were called to a restaurant when it had to close its doors early on Tuesday evening after a woman spent 45 minutes in the bathroom causing ‘unbearable, inhuman stench’.

The 34 year old woman kicked open the restaurant doors, shouting “out of the way, I’m prairie-dogging!” and ran through the dining area, which was at capacity.

“We were so crowded, people were waiting up to two hours for a table,” says the hostess. “In comes this crazy woman, already smelling like she dumped her pants, running towards the bathroom.”

One customer adds, “I couldn’t breathe. I knew she was in there blasting fudge monkeys, but the smell was toxic. I had to take my son to the hospital, they thought he was exposed to sulphur. This woman is a monster, human beings are not capable of something so foul.”

The first responding firefighters had to go in with oxygen tanks. “Never in my 30 years on the job have I seen anything so rancid,” states the Fire Chief. “It was dangerous sending my guys in there, but we had to rescue the 200+ people trapped and unable to move. These men are heroes.”

The woman was arrested for domestic terrorism and held on $4 000 000 bail.

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Dave Weasel

writer | comedian | musician | canadian | etc

What others say about : Woman arrested for stinking up bathroom and closing down restaurant..


william

poopourri masks the stinch of poop in the bowl, not poop on the toilet seat, the floor and the wall. You need industrial strength ventilation for that problem.

Terry Barns

What I like is all the People who are complaining about someone writing this, and claiming it was a waste of time but they read it because the title said “Woman arrested for stinking up bathroom and closing restaraunt”. The headline obviously sounded like one that would be on a serious news story. Lmao

philip cirelli

this woman could be a modern day super hero! if she could ko a restaurant full of people we should be sending her out on missions to knock out ISIS strong holds! the war could soon be over!!

Russ Minotaur

If she was arrested for this shouldn’t the heads of america’s media be arrested for subjecting America to Donald trump for a year?

Jim Gilbert

All she did was take a huge stinking Trump, One of the customers said she stunk like she had already taken a big Trump in her Pence before she got there, but most Trump supporters smell that way

Luna

This is a fake news website of hoaxes created by dave weasel a comedian in California to see how many people ate actually stupid enough to believe this shit this is epic

Peter

Apparently, this site is where one’s sense of humor comes to die. Lighten up, folks. No one forced you to read it.

Gary A Fowler

This goes way beyond simple flatulence. The woman could have had a large sample of hydrogen sulfide and released it in the bathroom. It has the smell of overpowering, rotten eggs. In a large enough concentration, and without ventilation, it can be poisonous. The woman herself would have needed to use a gas mask. Sulfur, and sulfur compounds, aren’t anything to mess around with, especially in public.

Someone

That means you and your crappy grammer would be banned too… maybe check your typing before posting a comment about idiot writers because your comment makes you one as well… just sayin

Melvin

Do people seriously have nothing better to write about? People who come up with these stories are bottom feeders themselves and seriously dysfunctional assholes. Nobody wants to read about your s*** stories go back to f****** school and learn how to write something for real. Learn how to write assholes

Melvin

Do people seriously have nothing better to write about? People who come up with these stories are bottom feeders themselves and seriously dysfunctional assholes. Nobody wants to read about your s*** stories go back to f****** school and learn how to write something for real.

Disgusted

I know a Bosun’s Mate whose shits were THAT BAD. Had to wear an MCU-2P (Navy gas mask) when entering the berthing compartment. Still doesn’t top the Master Chief whose farts could clear the fantail of a Navy ship with a 25 knot head wind.

william

maybe that’s why that one kid hid in the engine room for several days (wasting US and Japanese time searching for his dumb ass).

Steve

I have been accused of making a marine gag after Nuking a toilet… Have made people run out of places due to stench, but to be arrested for something natural I call Bull Shit

Bilbo

I heard she was one of those uneducated bottom feeders they call conservatives…fresh in from the conservative backwoods.

Jeff

So I’d like to know who the mug shot volunteer is here. Though the story is made up, her future dates will always connote her with putrid effluent.

Brad

Sounds like she is Celiac. When you have it and eat gluten, there isn’t a smell like it!

Kristen

So I think this is stupid. Like how would you even arrest someone for having to take a shit ? Would you wanna shit on yourself ? Yeah I didn’t think so . Well I mean there ARE some people who are into that kinda shit (no pun intended) . But really . Lol I like how the people inside were acting like they’ve never smelled shit before. But I’ll tell you right now , I bet all the people inside had to go take a fat shit after that meal they were inhaling . Lol some probably even took it at the same exact place . Stupid people ..

Sherri

It is stupid, and of course, no truth, (although you’d be surprised how many people actually DO believe it) but these stories are funny as shit sometime (no pun intended 🙂

Dde

Since when do you get arrested for shitting out sum stanky shit held on 4 million dollar bail yeah whatever

Alex Toasteroven

could have used her as a friend when I was in Job Corps 20 years ago, there was some rancid MFs back then.. shit like pickled pigs feet, jar after jar for days and weeks.. ewwww!! you could see the fart that burned your eyes and lungs..

Warren Searfoss

there is a difference between air and oxygen. air is what you breathe …. oxygen is just one part of what you breathe.. the important part so just carrying oxygen you dont need as big of a container

Lee

This is parody news people. not real. Now google “mc nuggets rage woman” and you will find the above mugshot. That story is nuts and it IS true.

Mary Ann McCuin

Why would the fire department have to save the 200 people. They couldn’t walk out on their own? Why didn’t people leave when she first ran in,? This is just crazy

Jp

I made a chinese guy gag with a fart in the Space Mountain ride at Disney world.. Does that count?

sammy

how the fuck story makes no sense she was in the bathroom yet the firefighters had to go in and save the 2oo plus trapped inside? how were they trapped unside? they couldn’t get up and walk out? i smell bullshit

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