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Woman arrested for stinking up bathroom and closing down restaurant


DAVE WEASEL

CEDAR RAPIDS, IA – Police and fire-paramedics were called to a restaurant when it had to close its doors early on Tuesday evening after a woman spent 45 minutes in the bathroom causing ‘unbearable, inhuman stench’.

The 34 year old woman kicked open the restaurant doors, shouting “out of the way, I’m prairie-dogging!” and ran through the dining area, which was at capacity.

“We were so crowded, people were waiting up to two hours for a table,” says the hostess. “In comes this crazy woman, already smelling like she dumped her pants, running towards the bathroom.”

One customer adds, “I couldn’t breathe. I knew she was in there blasting fudge monkeys, but the smell was toxic. I had to take my son to the hospital, they thought he was exposed to sulphur. This woman is a monster, human beings are not capable of something so foul.”

The first responding firefighters had to go in with oxygen tanks. “Never in my 30 years on the job have I seen anything so rancid,” states the Fire Chief. “It was dangerous sending my guys in there, but we had to rescue the 200+ people trapped and unable to move. These men are heroes.”

The woman was arrested for domestic terrorism and held on $4 000 000 bail.

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Dave Weasel

writer | comedian | musician | canadian | etc

What others say about : Woman arrested for stinking up bathroom and closing down restaurant..


phoenix

I call bullshit….this is not true – if you have ever had an incident where you could not hold it any longer you know and it’s not domestic terrorism(that is what makes me call bullshit).

Tiffany

Have you ever seen the movie “rat race?” Haha this is going to sound gross but…… it’s when your poop is poking in and out of your you know what.. sorry for having to be the one to explain this to you but you asked. Smh

Sunny

lol You know a little prairie dog will pop his little head out of the ground? Well, when the little poo poo does that we call it “prairie doggin'”. 🙂 lol

ric

Prairie dogging I when your fecal matter is trying to come out, but you stop it as the tip starts coming out. Basically, it is popping in and out of your butt!!

Fawn Francis

I was attracted to read the story because of the shock value. And that’s what I got. Personally- why do we need to care if it happened? I need to laugh at things that are likely to not happen – but just thinking about if perhaps this did/could happen, makes my problems seem minuscule. It gives me gratitude. (we as a society complain about all the negativity on the news) and I feel like the writer is just trying to lighten our spirits during difficult times. Thank you writer, I appreciate your humor and efforts. *imagine if we used all our passionate opinions about this – as a team – uniting to fix a real problem* That’s what I’m talking about. 🙂 ~Fawn~

Tony

It can happen. The “soaked” which can adhere to the intestines can sometimes release and wow! Empty out a two story building. It can be very intense.
I simply cannot say that the message is false. I have been in a place where the smell was so very bad so very strong it actually took your breath. Strong sulphur smell. Evacuation was the only escape.

David

How can you charge some one with domestic terrorism and place them on a 4 million dollar bound for taking a shit! This is unbelievable.

Willy Maykit

This isn’t the last time Hillary will be arrested for stinking up a room. It’s real cute they way the writer avoided mentioning her by name and used a generic photo of a woman. Coward.

Skippy

The article is very good. It provided a layer of realism in that everyone reading it has at least once in their life emptied the tank to the great dismay of others, up to and including the family pets. I know back when i was a heavy beer drinker and sausage eater, my dog was ashamed of me. I often had to talk and coax him into going for a walk with me.

Skippy

Wow!! Thank you, professor. Obviously you read the article and surmised it was satire, but yet failed to see the satire in my response. Do us all a favor, realize when you are reading the comments on this site, we ALL know the article is satirical, OK?? You are not smarter than any of us!! In fact, quite the opposite is true.

1701

Real or not fantastic writing. I took 10 minutes to read a three paragraph bit great shit even if Bullshit.

theegglestongroup

I laughed my ass off for Ten Minutes. It’s OBVIOUS Satire, but I guess it must be true, otherwise they wouldn’t let you put it on the Internet.

;-/ <– For the snarky impaired

Lori

Some call this satire… I call this a sad attempt at “creative” writing. The writers pull a story straight out of their asses & ironically the story freaking stinks! Satire usually would have some sort of profound “statement” or something to point out about our day to day lives whilst doing so in a humorous, yet ironic manner… These stories are just all a made up load of crap that hold no baring on reality what so ever & 98% of anyone with a brain knows it’s total bullshit. I’m inclined to think that the people that post as if they believe it’s true are somehow being ironic themselves. This site needs better writers!!! Just so you know, I’m available for the right price!!

John Blernt

Thanks, Lori. To your point please email us a copy of your updated resume, emphasizing the humorous, yet ironic stories you’ve written to date. Nothing too funny, please, as this would violate our publication standards. Oh, and for the record, we think it’s great that you’re inclined to think. Talk about exceeding expectations…

tak

People who think this article is real need to be systematically removed from the gene pool. Idiots.

Babaar

Go fuck yourself….go put a hood on your head and hide your fucking face.

Babaar

Go fuck yourself….go put a hood on your head and hide your fucking face

Captain America

Idiot! You know I hope whatever race or religion you belong to they decide to exterminate you next! You have no idea of the horror Hitler put the Jews through and I don’t say this often but I really hope something horrible happens to you because you’re a horrible excuse for a human being and you deserve some really bad karma for making idiotic comments like that! I hope some Jew comes knocks on your door and kicks your ass to teach you a lesson. Go Fuck Yourself up the ass with the biggest dildo they make you sick fuck!

whathaveyou55

May you find yourself naked and alone at 3 AM in the middle of East St. Louis. That’s about the worst curse I can wish upon you, you walking piece of sh**.

Lanette

You have not been to Weat Texas since my oldest daughter had her Weight loss surgery. She can run everyone out of the house even with the exhaust fans on. When she has to go she has to go. When she passes gas it’s just as bad.

Shannon

This article is bullshit. 4 million in bsil for taking a shit? They don’t give murderers or rapists that much. Piss poor. Boooooo.

Karl Hubrath

One customer adds, “I couldn’t breathe. I knew she was in there blasting fudge monkeys, but the smell was toxic. I had to take my son to the hospital, they thought he was exposed to sulphur. This woman is a monster, human beings are not capable of something so foul.”
People, I think that this guy is an idiot, just saying, God bless.

Karl Hubrath

People, please, he had to take his kid to the hospital? LMAO. People, even if the kid got sprayed with a skunk, why would he have to go to the hospital? People, I think she is a very beautiful young lady and if I were 30 years younger…. Anyway, I am not sooooo. God bless you beautiful tinky Prairie dog.

mjr

I’ve heard that term prairie dogging before…have also heard “I’m crowning”

Rll

You’re post are so full of crap. You make this stuff up. No one is gonna run through a restaurant yelling stuff like that. Go get a real job!!!!!

chris

People are the most crybaby people in this world arrested u people need to be arrested for acting like babies u should see what people do to ur food in restaurants so next time u order food make sure u check it I had a friend that cooked and when they toke it back for something he use to rub it in dish water it funny I think

L.m.m.

sat·ire
ˈsaˌtī(ə)r/
noun
the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.
synonyms: mockery, ridicule, derision, scorn,

eddie

Umm this can happen my friend expireinced a similar story at her friends bar the dude emptyed the
Bar

Sarah

You really know her?! Noooo way!! Why would they post up her pic with this fucked up story

frank

At first I thought it was my wife but then I saw what state it happened in and I was like ok at least I don’t have to bail the stinky bitch out. And for those of you who say this isn’t real come on down to south Texas and take a whiff after my wife has been in the sh$tree for an hour. Then you will say it could happen.

Angelina

I actually heard this exact story on the radio about a week ago. They suggested that it WAS real. It just goes to show how fake the media is…

Todd James

I’m glad they caught her–she’s known for releasing methane in such concentrations so as to store it and create deadly explosives that rival the power of an H-Bomb. She even had plans to fart in Times Square thereby killing millions.

Travis Rowland

I hear she was working with the notorious Isis terrorists I-bin Pharteen and U-Bin Pharteen… as well as their fixer Izheet Mi-Draus.

Sue

Dave, did you know that if you say “gullible” real slow it sounds like “orange”?

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