MYRTLE BEACH, SC – A husky 39 year old man was issued a ticket at a South Carolina beach for indecent exposure on Saturday afternoon when he was caught in the lewd act of sunbathing.
“I was at the beach with my wife, enjoying the nice weather, when four police officers stood around me,” states the man. “They said if I tried to run, they will easily catch me. I wasn’t sure what I did wrong. They told me ‘ma’am, this is a public beach, not a brothel. Cover those things up.'”
His wife spoke out, “I tried explaining to them my husband is a man but they were not listening. They just said they have no judgment towards our ‘alternative lifestyle’, but they must withhold public decency by not allowing exposure of human breasts at the beach.”
A statement was issued by the courthouse, “We have very strict laws in our society. What if there was a young child frolicking in the water and he happened to catch a glimpse of a breast? This is how school shooters are born. It is public decorum to place a razor thin strip of respectful leopard-print fabric across the human body. That is tasteful and appropriate for all ages.”