The Valley Report

Newsworthy News

Nicole Arbour fired for being ‘too old looking’


HAMILTON, ON – Nicole Arbour finds herself the latest victim of agesim in Hollywood Hamilton after being cut this week from a movie currently being filmed on the iPhone 6.


“We were looking for someone who was 57, but kind looked and acted a bit younger. Basically, we were hoping to get Madonna” says the film’s director. “When she showed up on set with her ID, we saw that she really was 30.  It shocked us all. I told her to get off my set and into a shower. She looked like a child beauty contest runner-up had a baby with Mr. Burns”

Unrelated, Arbour came under fire this week after her “Dear Fat People” video went viral.

“People don’t like to hear the truth. People can’t take a joke,” Arbour has paradoxically stated. “I have nothing against fat people, I was just using the platform to get my own career going and help them out because I’m a health expert. My only experience with fame was being physically and mentally abusive to my talented ex-boyfriend while riding his coat-tails. I wanted to be a martyr for free speech like Kim Davis by setting my YouTube account to private and pretend I was being censored by YouTube. Please subscribe to my channel and tell me how pretty I am in the comments.”

If Arbour’s career continues on this downward spiral before it even takes off, she might have to resort to writing for The Valley Report.


2 comments on “Nicole Arbour fired for being ‘too old looking’

  1. Natalie
    September 11, 2015

    good that bitch has it coming


  2. Rachel
    September 11, 2015

    hA!! Best thing on the internet today.


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This entry was posted on September 11, 2015 by in Entertainment, Op-Ed.

Do not watch this

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