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Drunk pregnant woman arrested on airplane for doing naked cartwheels down aisles


FORT WAYNE, IN – A 26 year old woman, 8 months pregnant, was arrested by air marshals after drinking 14 beers, stripping down and performing cartwheels down the aisles of a commercial flight on Saturday afternoon.

The aircraft had to make an emergency landing in Indiana after departing from Chicago, en route to Winnipeg, Canada, the woman’s hometown.

“We do not serve pregnant women alcohol, that’s our policy,” says a stewardess on the flight. “After she gave up contesting us on it she snuck in the back and drank an entire 12 pack of Budweiser, cracked open two king-cans of Faxe and drunkenly emerged from the back, fully nude. It was the most disgusting, humiliating thing I’ve ever seen.”

A man on board was sitting in the rear seat by the kitchen. “She came out, yelling incoherently and started caressing my hair,” states the man. “She said ‘hey baby, wanna join the mile high club? It’s not like I can get any more pregnant. Meet me in the bathroom in 20.’ I immediately ran towards the bathroom, but to vomit. I’ve already made an emergency appointment at the clinic to get tested.”

The woman was not pleased with the rejection. She was reported shouting ‘What are you, gay? Who doesn’t want this? You are slut-shaming me!’ and started clumsily cartwheeling through the aisles.

“When I placed her under arrest she tried punching me,” states the on-board air marshal. “She landed one good blow on my nose and told me ‘there’s nothing you can do about it, I’m a girl so I can get away with it.’ I did the best I could to restrain her without hurting the baby but she bit me on the bicep, removing a large chunk of flesh. She filed a police report for assault against me because I bruised her fist while she was beating me. Now, the doctors are testing the woman for diseases, and fear they might have to amputate my arm.”


14 comments on “Drunk pregnant woman arrested on airplane for doing naked cartwheels down aisles

  1. Kaitlyn
    March 18, 2017

    This is not real. Grew up with her shes only 23 and hometown is middletown oh. Dumb asses believing shot that ain’t true.


  2. Wesley Horton
    July 16, 2016

    I didn’t pork the bitch. . .


  3. macobsession
    April 26, 2016

    There’s no way this is true.


    • DumbandNaive
      April 27, 2016

      This is totally so true, how can you even doubt it for a second. You are dumb. And naive


    • Wesley Horton
      July 16, 2016

      YEAH-Hua! This stuff is ALL REAL. . .


  4. Michael K. Woolsey
    March 11, 2016

    What a future mother!


  5. Gail
    March 11, 2016

    How could she drink that much beer and No one knew it? I would think that they would know where everyone is and what they are doing? Very scary and I feel so bad for the baby. I hope she had a Grandma ready to care for her!


  6. maxxjiggler
    March 11, 2016

    I would have hit it, wtf is the worst that can happen? Lol


    • rabbitnexus
      April 27, 2016

      Your penis dropping off.


  7. I would have nailed her just to keep the peace. The is no way you are going to get more than 2 beers out of a steward in coach. I sneaked a 6 pack of Heineken on a flight from Palm Beach to Richmond once. I thought the stewardess was going to have me incarcerated when I gave her the empty bottles when approaching the Richmond airport for landing. You would have thought I threatened to kill somebody the way she was acting. I hate flying in the states. Bunch of sore losers.


  8. Jordan Stefanelli
    March 10, 2016

    The e’s and a’s are indistinguishable at 100% (normal) zoom in Chrome. I zoomed in to be rewarded with a ticky-tacky tahh-haaaaacky font.


  9. Tim Josephson
    February 19, 2016

    Is that MacCauley Culkin? 🙂


    • DumbandNaive
      April 27, 2016

      haha, most likely his long lost transgender twin :v


  10. Pingback: Obama to recruit group of ‘super geniuses’ from comment sections of satire articles | The Valley Report

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This entry was posted on September 12, 2015 by in Crime, Dave Weasel.

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