FORT WAYNE, IN – A 26 year old woman, 8 months pregnant, was arrested by air marshals after drinking 14 beers, stripping down and performing cartwheels down the aisles of a commercial flight on Saturday afternoon.
The aircraft had to make an emergency landing in Indiana after departing from Chicago, en route to Winnipeg, Canada, the woman’s hometown.
“We do not serve pregnant women alcohol, that’s our policy,” says a stewardess on the flight. “After she gave up contesting us on it she snuck in the back and drank an entire 12 pack of Budweiser, cracked open two king-cans of Faxe and drunkenly emerged from the back, fully nude. It was the most disgusting, humiliating thing I’ve ever seen.”
A man on board was sitting in the rear seat by the kitchen. “She came out, yelling incoherently and started caressing my hair,” states the man. “She said ‘hey baby, wanna join the mile high club? It’s not like I can get any more pregnant. Meet me in the bathroom in 20.’ I immediately ran towards the bathroom, but to vomit. I’ve already made an emergency appointment at the clinic to get tested.”
The woman was not pleased with the rejection. She was reported shouting ‘What are you, gay? Who doesn’t want this? You are slut-shaming me!’ and started clumsily cartwheeling through the aisles.
“When I placed her under arrest she tried punching me,” states the on-board air marshal. “She landed one good blow on my nose and told me ‘there’s nothing you can do about it, I’m a girl so I can get away with it.’ I did the best I could to restrain her without hurting the baby but she bit me on the bicep, removing a large chunk of flesh. She filed a police report for assault against me because I bruised her fist while she was beating me. Now, the doctors are testing the woman for diseases, and fear they might have to amputate my arm.”