CUPERTINO, CA – Apple’s faces are McIntosh red after complaints about the iPhone 6s’ updated Siri giving out sexually suggestive advice.
According to Apple, the new version of Siri is a sick joke by a disgruntled employee. “After the internal investigation, we terminated the contract of the engineer on grounds of gross misconduct. Disgusting misconduct, actually. We do not promote prostitution, infidelity or any of the other strange sexual advice Siri has been giving out,” says an Apple spokesperson. “We still don’t know what an Alabama Hot Pocket is, but we know it’s not something you buy at 711.”
Other complaints have been piling in. “I asked it where I should invest some extra money I came into. Siri told me to give the money to her and I can put ‘it’ anywhere I want. I think she meant my penis,” says one man. “So we met up at a local sex shop, I put my $20 bill through the hole in the wall and had the time of my life. I only made the complaint to Apple when she refused to ever see me again.”
“I commanded Siri to call my wife,” states one man who obtained an advance iPhone 6s. “It replied with ‘That ratchet old fart donkey? I’ll connect you to a discount escort service instead. My wife was furious. Not because she was called a barn animal, but because I was arrested at a brothel.”