The Valley Report

Newsworthy News

Confirmed: Facebook to add ‘dislike’ button and remove ‘logout’ feature


SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Facebook announced on Wednesday they will be rolling out a long anticipated dislike feature and removing a user’s ability to ever logout of their account.


“We wanted to give Facebook users the option of disliking a post, because not liking it is too passive aggressive,” says CEO Mark Zuckerberg. “Before, when someone liked a friend’s post about bad news, it gave a mixed signal.  Now, when someone likes a status about a lost job or dead pet, they’re sending a clear message.”

Facebook’s other major change is the inability to logout of your account, ever. “We figured people are already attached to the digital validation we have conditioned their self-esteem to, so now you are logged in with us forever. Every computer, phone, tablet and watch you log into will permanently store all your information. Its a way to combat the underground network of refurbished electronics. When you buy a phone, your digital fingerprint becomes as permanent as the one on your finger. To get rid of it, users must either die or throw their devices into the river and purchase a brand new device. We get a 10% cut from…”

“I like the new features,” declares a Facebook user. “Before, I had to constantly type in my email address and password to login. Who has time for that? I want Facebook to be more than just a way of keeping contact with friends in family. It has to be an extension of my personality. My very person. My soul. The electronic version of me will slowly become the real me. Welcome to the Hotel California.”


2 comments on “Confirmed: Facebook to add ‘dislike’ button and remove ‘logout’ feature

  1. Todd James
    February 28, 2016

    I don’t believe Facebook is for children then. After all, you
    start out disliking posts at which point you travel down the slippery slope to HATING them and the next thing you know you’re robbing banks and liquor stores. Disliking should be banned in favor of a family oriented Internet.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: Confirmed: Facebook to add ‘dislike’ button and remove ‘logout’ feature | strippedwalrus

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


This entry was posted on September 16, 2015 by in News.

Do not watch this

%d bloggers like this: