Texas Muslim teen detained under new ‘Minority Able to Tell Time’ law


IRVINE, TX – A 14-year-old boy was the first to be arrested on Monday under Texas’ controversial new ‘Minority Able to Tell Time’ law, which gives authorities full power to arrest and detain minorities for suspicion of terrorism based on their ability to tell time.


“Something just wasn’t right,” says the teacher who dropped the dime on the student. “Pencil cases in this school district are usually filled with empty birth control sample boxes and crystal meth, not a homemade digital clock.”

“Let’s say if this nerd wasn’t a terrorist,” states the Police Chief. “He should’ve been more forthcoming when we arrested him. He kept telling us he didn’t do anything wrong and the clock he brought in was just a clock. He should’ve specifically said it isn’t a bomb, which means it is a bomb, and we could’ve shipped him to Guantanamo. Everyone knows that when Muslim people handle digital gadgets, it poses a risk to National Security. When he said he built the clock himself we became immediately suspicious. Minorities smart enough to tell time are up to no good, especially Muslims.”

The Texas Governor weighed in on the situation. “The illiteracy rate in this state is the 5th worst in the country. Our school system pumps out graduates unable to read their own name on their diploma, let alone tell time on a digital clock, especially one he made himself. He is showing he can learn engineering skills on his own time [paused to laugh at his own pun]. How are we supposed to know he won’t use those abilities to make bombs and terror like all of his relatives? We speak American in this country, not Muslim.”

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Dave Weasel

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