Bill Cosby’s attorney – “I don’t know what happened, I woke up and I was his lawyer”


DAVE WEASEL

WASHINGTON, DC – The attorney hired to defend Bill Cosby speaks out after having no recollection of being retained by the former comedian and rapist.

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Her law firm issued a statement. “She was invited to Mr. Cosby’s house to hear out his side of the case. After realizing everything he said was donkey rubbish, she decided it was time to leave. The last thing she remembers was Bill Cosby standing over her in a robe holding a pen and contract in his hand. The next morning she woke up and realized her worst fears had come true; she was the defendant of the world’s most infamous rapist.”

“When I realized I was stuck with this man, I tried throwing out the worst defences possible,” states Cosby’s lawyer. “I tried victim blaming first, then straw-grasp reasoning. I knew nobody would buy the ‘offering drugs isn’t illegal’ as an excuse to rape, but I was desperate. I wanted out of this situation I was forced into. I have two things on my side. The truth, which is that he is a rapist, and the law, which states Cosby’s crimes were committed too long ago to prosecute. I’m thinking about buying a yacht.”

The attorney wants everyone to know that the publicity of such a high profile case is not her motivation for the case. “If that were true, I would’ve at least tried to give him a reasonable defence. Not all of us take on these cases for the publicity, there’s also the money.”

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Dave Weasel

writer | comedian | musician | canadian | etc

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