ATLANTA, GA – The potato chip company Lay’s was legally forced to create ‘Childhood Obesity’ in their ‘Do Us A Flavor’ contest after it garnered an overwhelming 90% of the online votes.
“We had no idea how to create a flavor based on a physical health condition,” says a Lay’s spokesperson. “We consulted with Little League Baseball, who provided us a list of all the kids cut this year. We were put in this spiral of parents blaming the schools, and the schools blaming the parents.”
“It’s not my fault, it’s society’s fault,” states one parent. “I halfheartedly encourage my kid to play outside but he just wants to sit in front of the TV next to me. What am I supposed to do? He refuses to eat anything other than Chocolate Coated Sugar Balls I usually have for breakfast. What am I supposed to do? It’s really the school’s fault because they have those sugar sodas in the vending machines I drink at home. When I give him lunch money I have no control over what he buys with it. What am I supposed to do? Obesity is a disease. I have it, my daddy had it, his daddy before him had it and now my baby has it. What am I supposed to do?”
The school board offered a reply. “We teach dietary health and encourage physical activity as part of the curriculum. We had to ease up in gym classes because pushing the kids too hard leads to lawsuits. Now, the gym teachers have an unspoken agreement with the kids that do not want to partake; the kids ‘forget’ their gym clothes every day and wait in the locker room while the teacher passes them with a solid ‘C'”.
Lay’s final statement on the issue offered little-to-no description on what the potato chip will actually taste like. “In order to capture a flavor, we had to find it’s source. When researching childhood obesity we found three dogs chasing each other’s tails. Ultimately, we used the samples from the swabs of Xbox controllers.”