First fatality confirmed in new high school drug craze ‘fart-huffing’


DAVE WEASEL

OVERLAND PARK, KS – A Kansas teenager died Friday night after the first reported overdose in this year’s newest drug fad ‘fart-huffing.’

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“It’s a way for kids to get high and avoid failing drug tests,” states the Police Chief. “A typical session has five or six teenagers bake narcotics into food and feed it to someone dubbed the ‘Dumpster Pig’, a person with a high tolerance for drugs with a large buttocks capable of delivering flatulence in massive doses. Usually the hired Dumpster Pig is an outside person, paid with the drugs he or she consumes. Typically in their mid-to-old twenties, past their prime years of having people exchange drugs for sexual favours. After the drugs are consumed, the Dumpster Pig acts as a human bong for the rest of the group, passing gas directly into the faces of the participants providing a short, intense high. The chemicals found in flatulence disguise the traces of narcotics modern drug testing detect.”

We spoke to a student partaking in the session that killed his friend. “We only started fart-huffing at the beginning of the school year, so we didn’t fully understand the dangers. We managed to get the queen of all Dumpster Pigs to mellow down with us. It comes with a high cost as she usually gets too high and grinds all over us, shouting ‘where’s the good peen at? Everyone wants this because I am so hot. The more the merrier!’ She showed up drunk, falling all over the place. She demanded we make her a cocake, which is a cake baked with all ingredients substituted with cocaine, and ate the whole thing. On top of that she is a fart champion with many world records. We could not take the intensity of her farts or drug tolerance. It’s amazing only one of us died. ”

“The cops can’t charge me with anything, that kid wanted this butt,” says the Dumpster Pig, between swipes of blood from her nose. “He wanted a Baton Rouge Bottom Burp, so I gave him one. That’s where I hold onto a fence and lean back onto his face and fart out all kinds of Satan into his lungs. Ain’t my fault the kid wasn’t man enough to handle this kind of beauty. Another kid wanted the Mississippi Muff Puff, that one comes out the front. He’s still in the hospital but he’ll survive.”

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Dave Weasel

writer | comedian | musician | canadian | etc

What others say about : First fatality confirmed in new high school drug craze ‘fart-huffing’..


Robert Triner

Woodstock was in 1969 dumbass…who makes this bullshit up? Are you getting paid to write this crap or are you that totally ignorant to believe this dribble. Any one individual that would believe this must have a I.Q. one point lower than a walnut.

Todd James

Why is this satire? Fart huffing has been a pass time for many throughout the past four generations. It began at Woodstock during the early 70s. It was a means of showing intimacy and respect for strangers and friends alike. President Obama sniffed Israeli Prime Minister Netenyahu’s farts as a means of solidifying US Israeli relations. NAMBFSA (a subgroup of NAMBLA) — the North American Man Boy Fart Sniffing Association has funded several scientific peer reviewed studies that prove that flatulence emitted from the anus of prepubescent boys contains molecular compounds that will allow mankind to one day achieve immortality. The compounds in boy farts lengthen telomeres thereby allowing cellular reproduction to occur indefinitely. Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein and Nicola Tesla were sniffing farts for divine inspiration before the practice spread at Woodstock. The theory of relativity and electric lighting exist, in part, because of Fart Sniffing. Syria was an extremely stable nation until it was plunged into social chaos after the practice was banned and residents became suspicious of one another because they could no longer sniff one another’s farts. There are sects of Islam and Cristianity awaiting God’s return so that He will let out a mighty fart that will do away with human evil and allow humanity to enjoy paradise. Why have you
made light of a practice like this? It’s certainly no laughing matter.

anotny butkler

this website is so full of shit, and some of you actually belief it, are Americans that stupid!!! you’d have to eat the drugs for the drugs to be “part” of the “wind” wich would be about 1% , and what drugs can you eat , erm, not many, eat cannabis, you have to ear LOADS, eat he heroin, nope, eat speed, nope, you’d have to eat kilos of drugs to make ebough gas to make someone high, farting is a methane off food stuff, cant think of the word right now, but it means like biologhical stuff. food, corn, grain, meat, etc. you don’t eat a hamburger thaen fart out hamburger tasting farts. its a bi product called methane wich is made when the gases are ixed going thorugh the insteninial system etc.this site is pretty funny though

Bonnie Golden

this has got to be the sickest thing I have ever heard of, Is there no limits, no bounderies to what people will do,? I thought these students where suppose to be smart, boy,
was I wrong

Smaktakula

This is so important for the children. Sure, we huffed a few farts back in my day, but today’s flatulence is 20x stronger.

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