The Valley Report

Newsworthy News

Canadians forced to insulate igloos

KONRAD ANDERSON

OTTAWA, ON – As the federal election heats up in Canada, unemployment has sky rocketed and become a polarizing issue as Alberta’s Oil Sands has slowed down on top of the mass shutdowns of target and future shop. The amount of layoffs have left millions of Canadians leaning towards a NDP win. With their promises of higher unemployment benefits and longer terms for benefit recipients it seems the “Orange Crush Wave” would roll through with a win just like in Alberta, Canada.

IGLOO

However today Prime Minister Stephen Harper of the Conservative Government announced a bill he plans on rushing through the Senate and the House in order to create jobs. That bill would require all Canadians to insulate their igloos. This bill has been met with mixed emotions in government and with the citizens. One MP off the record compared it to Obamacare being forced onto the American citizens. While Stephen Harper says “we needed to come back hard against the NDP and promise to create millions of jobs to compete with their promises of money for nothing. We believe that Canadians would rather work for their money then receive handouts.”

While some citizens were thrilled at the prospect of jobs most seemed to question the theory the Prime Minister used in developing this strategy. One man asking “why do we need to insulate. Ifs fucking snow pack more around the outside and buy a better duvet”. A single mom brought up the cost and “are we getting any tax breaks as you are going to force us to spend thousands to get this done or am I going to have to go back to stripping”. Time will tell if this strategy will heat up or ice out his chances

When we contacted the NDP for a rebuttal Tomas Mulcair only responding with “this just shows how out of touch with the country he is”. Justin Trudeau and Elizibith May were contacted via conference call but threw sounds of coughing only added “we love orange crush”.

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This entry was posted on September 20, 2015 by in News.

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