VANCOUVER, BC – The athletic apparel company Lululemon has extended its sizes of yoga pants to include dogs, and will open an entire store in Beverly Hills dedicated to the line in 2016.
“We were legally obligated by federal court to start the brand,” says a spokesperson. “Enough people signed the online petition on Instagram with the has tag #DogsArePpl2 and a pug-owning judge said we were discriminating against animals. We figured it’s win-win. We have over seven million pairs of pants on backorder, and they retail for $399. This asinine idea will make us one of the wealthiest clothing companies on earth.”
“I was like, ‘finally’,” says Instagram user @BeastialityBabe_69, between sips of her Fiji water. “My handsome prince will be treated like the person he is, and not some dirty dog. I ordered three pairs on my credit card. I didn’t have to pay for it right away so it’s like I’m getting them for free.”
The design team thought proactively. “We are only regretful we didn’t think of this sooner. We often joked about releasing this line, but we never dreamt of following through with it. As a courtesy to our valued clientele, we have made the seat of the dog pants taste like pumpkin spice.”