The Valley Report

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Sherman Oaks bans all dogs, door-to-door euthanizing starts Jan 1

DAVE WEASEL

SHERMAN OAKS, CA – In an effort to rid the streets of the endless dog-poo piling up, the city has agreed to ban all dogs from the area after an elderly woman slipped on a dump and broke her spine.

dog dump

“This isn’t right,” says a disgruntled dog-owner named Cueball, who is living as a WW2 Nazi fugitive in Sherman Oaks with an ugly yard. “I do what everyone here does. I scoop it up in a little orange bag and throw it in an unsightly place when nobody is looking. People’s yards, a tree that has the base slightly hollowed out and sometimes near trashcans. The other day my pit bull mauled a baby and I had everyone’s support, but when she drops a shart and some stupid old woman falls down suddenly my girlfriend – I mean pet dog – has to leave the city or get put down?”

The city released a statement regarding the issue:

We are sorry to do this, but enough is enough. Bring them out of town by the end of the year or we will put them in our portable dog-killing machine. We would prefer you bring them to Studio City rather than Encino, as Studio City is already full of s*** and I kind of like Encino. I have my exercise class there and there’s a rad deli. Do not try to hide your animals. We will be searching every home and garage starting January 1st. We will be using dog-sniffing dogs who will find them under the sturdiest of floorboards and attics.  Peace.

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5 comments on “Sherman Oaks bans all dogs, door-to-door euthanizing starts Jan 1

  1. Nicole
    March 10, 2016

    I wouldn’t put the dog down, I would just keep the dog at home.

    Like

  2. Kathleen
    February 25, 2016

    Well last time I checked there hasn’t been a onslaught of people wanting to live in Sherman Oaks, As for me and my Chihuahuas, couldn’t pay us to live there

    Like

  3. Lynn
    February 18, 2016

    What a cruel response to something a pet has absolutely no control of. I’d get the owners where it really hurts…….their pocketbook! Surely there’s a better solution than to kill these innocent dogs!

    Like

  4. Roquel
    February 18, 2016

    What a big waste of dog meat!

    Like

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This entry was posted on October 1, 2015 by in News.

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