‘Peeple’ app allows users to anonymously expose your Nickelback playlist


DAVE WEASEL

SILICON VALLEY, CA – The controversial new ‘Yelp for People’ app Peeple confirmed on Monday that users will be able to anonymously post any information about you they have, true or not, including sexual diseases, orgy club memberships, drug habits, naked pictures and embarrassing music playlists.

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“I do not care what this does to people,” states the app developer. “Everyone is bullying us because of our positivity app that exposes people for the disgusting beings they are. There is no way this app can be abused because we require a user’s phone number before they can be posted. This proves it’s the real person. All social security numbers are verified before they are posted to the person’s profile. Everyone is going on this app and we don’t care if you want to or not. The amount of suicides this will cause will thin out the population.”

The app will have searchable categories which allow users to post everyone they know into them, including:

  • HERPOS (people with herpes and various other STDs)
  • COKE-SKANKZ (a number based system showing what sexual favours the person will do for drugs)
  • BABY DADDYS (possible fathers of someone’s bastard child)
  • N00DZ (naked pictures of former lovers)
  • CREDIT CARDS (all personal and financial information needed to commit identity fraud)
  • NICKELBACK LISTENERS (anyone with a Nickelback song on their play list)
  • POSITIVE VIBES (one nice thing about each Peeple user)
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Dave Weasel

writer | comedian | musician | canadian | etc

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