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Florida man dies in meth-lab explosion after lighting farts on fire


DAVE WEASEL

GAINESVILLE, FL – A 37-year-old man is dead after his trailer home was destroyed in a meth-lab explosion, caused by him lighting up ‘blue angels’ to amuse his wife.

anthony

The man’s wife was found lying naked on the couple’s front yard, reportedly still laughing. “A Blue Angel is when you put a lighter up to your butt and fart on it, making it catch on fire. It’s funny as s—,” explains the mans wife, who claims to be an expert on the subject. “Normally we go to Del Taco because of their $0.59 tacos, but we made some extra cash this week so we went to Chipotle. The farts you get from there could fill a gas chamber. I know he’s looking up from hell laughing his ass off saying it was worth it,” she says smiling through blackened teeth, apparently not caused by the fire.

The woman plans on suing Chipotle, which failed to address their peppers causing a higher rate of methane in human farts. She offered a statement, “I’m not mad about my husband dying, I just got my eyebrows did and now they’re gone.” Chipotle Mexican Grill has yet to respond.

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Dave Weasel

writer | comedian | musician | canadian | etc

What others say about : Florida man dies in meth-lab explosion after lighting farts on fire..


Asher London

Long before most of those making comments were even born, there was a party activity called “ignarting” — you guessed it . . .
Indeed, there is nothing new under the sun!

Todd James

This is old news! The MILF foundation (Mothers Irritated by Lighting Farts) realeased this months ago! Stacy’s Mom, who really had it going on, wrote a dissertation about fart lighting. The EPA is going to impose a stiff penalty upon anyone who ignites farts and increases atmospheric Carbon dioxide levels. (The only exception will be those who drive fart powered cars, scheduled to be released by Google in 2025 if man is still alive.

brbroberts@yahoo.com

No way the EPA is gong to find someone for lighting farts!

Methane is a much more effective GHG than CO2, so lighting farts is actually encouraged by the EPA!

Outrageous typos and other hilarity brought to you by iPhone AutoCorrect.

>

raindancer

Just remember one thing, most of the idiots here in FL come from somewhere else. I’m from NJ. I have been here a long time and can honestly say, I have NEVER smoked method, or Crack, or wadi proud of the election debacle. We are not all folks. But most of our politicians are.

SC

The Valley Report is a satirical website which posts fictional news articles related to real and fictitious events.[1] Snopes.com describes it as a fake news site, citing “While the Valley Report‘s “About” page bears no disclaimer, it credits a comedian (not a reporter) as responsible for the site’s content.”[2]- Wikipedia

MizDizzyMizzy

** CULLING the herd…not filling the herd. Stupid Android auto correct. I look almost as idiotic as the genius in the story. NO meth here, thank God!

Lori

These comments have me crying. LMBO
But seriously, I have lived in central Florida my whole life and we have some serious personality crazies. Never a dull moment. If you want to vacation and see a good circus sideshow, visit Florida!

Glen Stokes

no i think all meth heads usually vote democrat when they manage to vote at all.. Most Trump voters are employed working class but i understand your confusion, you are obviously one of those brainwashed libtards we always hear about but rarely ever see in person…

Harry Scrotum

I think the average “meth head” is alert enough to see how full of shit Trump really is. Which says a lot about you and the and the rest of the brain dead sheeple that make up the bulk of the population of this country. Certainly no one that believes in LIBERTY would vote for him.

Eric

This is satire, and did not actually happen, but only because it was just posted a couple of days ago. Give it time…

Mich

It may not have happened in Florida… prolly did, just in Polk County instead. I know it happened in Iowa, Missouri and Nebraska…and quite possibly in other states. Drugs are bad, uuhmm.

Jennifer

I lived in south Florida since birth. 38 years later I moved to central Florida. Let me assure everyone that stupid sh#t like this happens all the time here. The crazier it sounds, the more likely it’s true. We got New York beat when it comes to the crazies. This place is a nut house. A methamphetamine fart fueled nut house.

fearlessat50

Only an idiot would believe this to be true. And damnit damnit damnit, our Facebook page delights in pointing out that strange happens everywhere, not only in Florida.

phantom409

I can almost imagine when she looks at the Judge when she sues this. “BUt your honor, “His fart blew my house up because of the Mathane coming out of his ass because of their Burritoes!”

Nebraska Sam

And here we have two more prime candidates for the Darwin Award for the most creative way of removing the stupid gene from the collective gene pool….. 🙂

john

If that store is selling Farting Peppers, I’d hate to see what their Tacos look like.
To light up your farts is a Dangerous thing to do. 3rd degree burns in your bum crack can be quite painful.

TomRauji (@TomRauji)

Actually, the flame is too short in life to cause a burn. The thermal latency of the skin smooths the thermal pulse and prevents damage. The real danger is internal explosion. The sphincter muscle acts like a flame arrestor, closing off the path to the huge pocket of methane inside the colon. If a person has just had anal penetration, or has a loose sphincter caused by repeated large objects or some medical defect, the flame front can travel inside. The pressure can actually split the colon wall, just like a balloon popping. This is why people who have recently had anal penetration or who have loose sphincters should avoid lighting gas.

Tad Tholl

It says he died in a meth lab explosion caused by lighting farts, not that he died from lighting darts.

Robert Taylor

My flat mate (late 70’s) lit one in front of 20 people at a party, only had his nylon jocks on, they melted to his ass. Funniest thing I’ve ever seen. Hospital staff were NOT compassionate at all, none of them even tried to keep a straight face.

Jason Hellenberg

Dammit, dammit, dammit. We have a Florida FB group where we collect all the crazy junk done in our state. We thought we had won the POWERBALL with this.
Florida Man
Meth
Farts
Trailer Park

CURSE YOU!!!
🙂

Jim Cos

(And you forgot to list the black teeth addressed in the story.) It’s a real shame “beer”, “dog” and “pickup truck” weren’t mentioned. That would have been the clean sweep.

Alice

Too funny and unfortunately real!! May be a desperate measure to “lighten things up a bit”!!!

Bob

Oh, it real! I new dat guy and his wife. They always be jokin. But I say to my buddy. One day dos gonna blow demselves up. Sure nuff! Look what happen.

Smh

Duh.. He wrote in character how someone who knows these people would actually talk… I can’t believe not just one, but THREE of you are stupid enough to not only miss the joke entirely, but then ironically take the high and mighty position of being soooo intelligent! Ha!
Morons – you’re the worst kind of idiots, the ones who actually think they’re smart!

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