LAS VEGAS, NV – Donald Trump’s famous Trump Hotel in Las Vegas began its new program to check the legal immigration status of all guests while checking in.
“I can’t believe I was forced to do this,” states a disheartened former employee. “When we scanned a guest’s identification, it sends the information to ICE and we got an instant notification if they are undocumented. A sad trombone sound plays with an icon of Speedy Gonzales running across the computer screen wearing a plaid shirt with only the top button done up. A giant boot floats in and kicks him away. From there we told them their room has ‘bean‘ double booked so they’re upgraded to the best ‘Juan‘ in the hotel. After that they are brought to the basement with an underground tunnel that transports them back to Mexico. It’s horribly racist, so I quit.”
“It’s not racist!” shouted Trump at a recent press gathering. “In fact, I’ve spent a lot of money to ensure the tunnel back to Mexicoland is very Mexican-ish. Instead of vehicles, I’ve purchased several donkeys, their national animal, to transport them. All of the donkeys are named Miguel and wear sombreros. It’s culturally sensitive, humane and hilarious.”
The Immigration Station is scheduled to resume when Trump Towers opens its doors again, after being closed down when 2/3 of the staff were deported during testing of the program.