The Valley Report

Newsworthy News

Woman murders college roommate for sending too many Candy Crush requests

DAVE WEASEL

BOSTON, MA – A 19-year-old woman beat her roommate to death with an industrial sized bag of jelly beans on Tuesday afternoon.

The woman was reportedly frustrated by the amount of invites received for the popular Facebook game Candy Crush. “It started off as once a week,” the woman said in her statement. “Soon it was happening every day. My battery was constantly dying from notifications from this girl. I tried disabling notifications, I tried blocking her, I tried everything except murder. Now I’ll never have to see that horrible notification again.”

The police issued a warning to people sending out the invites. “Not to blame the victim, but this woman was asking for it. We all know you have no life. We all know part of you is embarrassed the same people have to see the same notification from you, but you send it anyway. For your own safety, stop sending these invites.”

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165 comments on “Woman murders college roommate for sending too many Candy Crush requests

  1. AngryRantBlogger
    September 30, 2016

    Okay.. I’m just as annoyed as anyone when I get these requests and I had a short period where my mom was obsessed and would bother me for lives as well but murder is just a little overboard though to stop the notifications..

    Like

  2. Ivor Grumble
    May 4, 2016

    Fair enough, they’re annoying as hell.

    Like

  3. Anita
    March 16, 2016

    OMG… Dear you would have advanced a day in date n time setting….. when u get no life… By advancing day u will get 5 lives (check Candy Crush) once again… now before start playing reset yr current date…… Y to lose own life to get candy crush life😦

    Like

  4. Pingback: Woman murders college roommate for sending too many Candy Crush requests | absenteereality

  5. Joe Schmo
    March 14, 2016

    Jellybeans!!😉

    Like

  6. Jim
    March 13, 2016

    Fake “news”, yes, but if it were real, good luck finding a jury that would vote to convict….

    Like

  7. Stuart
    March 13, 2016

    People should tell Urban Leak that this article they are copying and pasting (on their site) from this site is fake. Also terrible journalism. Here is a link. It’s pretty much taken verbatim. Funny thing is that the previous post is an actual news story. Maybe Urban Leak is trying to skew people’s perceptions of reality. Good job so far. http://urbanleak.com/woman-murders-college-roommate-for-sending-too-many-candy-crush-invites/

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dave Weasel
      March 13, 2016

      Hey thanks for that. I gave them permission because they link back to us. Of course it’s fake. It says it under disclaimer. But those guys troll highly searched items to make money from click bait ads. They make way, way more than we do from our shit, but we just like to make people laugh.

      Like

      • Stuart
        March 13, 2016

        My apologies- totally slipped my mind. I thought it might become toxic since Urban Leak doesn’t say that it is false, and does not have a disclaimer like Valley Report does. Nobody reads the fine print, right? Anyways, I don’t know how to take down my previous comment, but I still stand by my opinion. Thanks for the reply!

        Like

      • Dave Weasel
        March 13, 2016

        For sure. Urban leak is shameless click bait plagiarism. I’ve confronted them before but now they [he] link back.

        Like

  8. Suzi
    March 12, 2016

    The funny part were all the comments about this article. Hysterical!!

    And now I even know how to correctly use a comma in a sentence.

    Like

  9. WolfLee
    March 11, 2016

    As much as these comments are cracking me up, this fake “Newsworthy News” by Dave Weasel does not hold a candle to the related stories listed… HYSTERICAL!

    Like

  10. ~unknown~
    March 11, 2016

    Everyone here has so many great comments on here *sigh* but what everyone in the whole nation is blind to is that we need to finally stop putting up with this bull and finally tell people who are doing these things to get up off there chair/couch whatever and tell them to do something more productive. Their just trying to get a shock factor out of people and they are winning when we reply!!!! So don’t reply next time you see stuff like this absolutely DO NOT REPLY!!! ~Alway be anonymous~

    Like

    • TJ
      March 29, 2016

      Umm…you are replying! “Anonymous” means nothing. It goes by your account and/or computer address.

      Like

  11. Jana
    March 11, 2016

    If you ever want to see if something is false just check snopes.com this one is false

    Like

  12. Floyd Brannigan
    March 11, 2016

    If * ,Sean Penn, can become, “numero uno” his cell block after, beating another with, a pillow sack of soda cans, in a movie titled, “Bad Boys”, I’m buying this! “;:*'”:…,,”‘. hope all can appreciate, all the extra, “commas”, quote, unquote, quotation marks, etc……. I added for you!!!!

    Like

  13. Dale Bryant
    March 11, 2016

    These requests aren’t sent, intentionally or actively, from the sender; they are automatic, unless the sender disables that function in her settings.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Womyn for Womyn by Womyn
    March 11, 2016

    NO WOMAN DESERVES TO GO TO JAIL!!! Where ARE THE FEMINISTS???!!! The patriarchy will not hold us in a system designed for them any longer!!

    Like

  15. Hub Telegram
    March 11, 2016

    Reblogged this on Hub Telegram.

    Like

  16. Rehannon
    March 11, 2016

    U kill becuz someone really hurt or tortured you’re loved once. Not because you have notification off Facebook. What kind of drugs was she on? Stupid s*** !!! What kind of stuff r they teaching people? Read a damn book or get a hobby! Don’t kill people over a stupid game.

    Like

    • Bee
      March 11, 2016

      Um. Just no. You don’t kill period. Murder is never justified. And this post was fictional, meaning it’s not real. The author was being sarcastic. Wow.

      Like

    • TJ
      March 29, 2016

      What kind of drugs are YOU on to believe faux news??
      Hello? It is FAKE!!
      LMAO!

      Liked by 1 person

  17. Cory
    March 11, 2016

    Justifiable homicide. No juror with a Facebook profile would convict her

    Like

  18. Mandi
    March 11, 2016

    Just thought I would add that a comma is used to mark a pause between parts of a sentence. Therefore it is unequivocally used improperly in this case. Also a period is unnecessary after the use of an asterisk when making a statement. But I teach English so what do I know lol

    Like

    • pandamoniumm
      March 11, 2016

      You should have added a comma after “therefore”. Oh, and you should also have one after “also”. And there is a missing question mark at the end. I thought English teachers knew how to properly use punctuation. If you want to try using your education to belittle others then you should at least proofread. You literally told us how to use the comma and failed to use it in the way you described. *facepalm*

      Like

      • TJ
        March 29, 2016

        Lmao! Right on! Teach the teacher!
        I love it when the smart-asses get put in their place.

        Like

  19. VICKI
    March 11, 2016

    AMERICAS FUCKED!!

    Like

  20. Pingback: Candy Crush Invites Murder Story is Satire, Not Real News – Hoax-Slayer 2G

  21. Pingback: Candy Crush causes the death of a woman | Konfirmed Media

  22. Harley Quinn
    March 10, 2016

    Internet is ruining our world….. PERIOD!!!! Defend it all u want but this type of Shit never happened before we had fb or any of them Damn social websites……. easier for relationships to be ruined (friends family or lovers)

    Like

  23. Scott Morgan
    March 10, 2016

    I knew a certain “Train Wreck From GTech grad” who kept getting woken up every time one of the cows on his kids FarmVille account needed milked. He was such an idiot he didn’t know how to turn off the notifications on his Droid.

    Like

  24. Jeremy Cuthair
    March 10, 2016

    this has to be fake

    Like

  25. Kym
    March 10, 2016

    This is all bs, check facts, it isn’t hard, the womans face that appears in this fairytail has been used in lots of different stuff, clearly the author of this has had way too much chemical enhancement!!

    Like

    • REAL facts
      March 10, 2016

      Maybe this is the real story and all those other stories are bs.

      Like

    • derp
      March 11, 2016

      It’s called satire, genius. You really think someone got murdered with “an industrial sized bag of jelly beans?” The author is joking.

      Like

  26. christy
    March 10, 2016

    Lol Well its not the other woman’s fault she couldn’t figure out you can turn off those requests. I haven’t receive a request in 2 years. Simply turn them off as you get them

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Easycheese
    March 10, 2016

    To those that believe that this is real, please don’t reproduce. The country is dumbed down enougj as it is.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Hehe
      March 10, 2016

      Enough*. If you are going to spend your precious time on earth talking shit on the internet, about the intelligence of others, at least have the decency to proofread.

      Like

      • orionwriter
        March 10, 2016

        Why did you even bother to respond?

        Like

      • Stop
        March 10, 2016

        Please take the time to remove the unnecessary comma from your post before mocking the intelligence of the person who is mocking the intelligence of people on the internet.

        Thank you.

        Liked by 4 people

      • dallascoffeecollective
        March 10, 2016

        Adding the comma after “internet” is incorrect. Thought you’d want to know.
        I’d probably have the “about the intelligence of others” directly follow “talking shit.” It flows better.

        Like

      • ihatetheworld
        March 11, 2016

        Let’s obsess over an obvious typo, and ignore the valid point.

        Like

      • Vanessa
        March 11, 2016

        This clearly SHOULD be talked about as I constantly hear teachers whining and complaining they don’t make enough money. This is why I’m a firm believer in NOT giving them raises. They produce people who don’t comprehend basic English. Most people can’t do Math without a calculator. Hell yeah let’s talk about this!

        Like

      • patricialogan
        March 11, 2016

        BTW, Internet is also capitalized as it is a proper name.

        Like

      • Steve
        March 11, 2016

        No, you’re all, wrong? Comma is for every-one, to use, freely. Grammer is for every-one, to.

        Like

      • Im not even sure you ❤?
        March 11, 2016

        Dont you think this is impending

        Like

    • Salvi
      March 10, 2016

      Enough

      Like

      • Smiles
        March 10, 2016

        The comma is actually correct. They are put in sentences around a phrase that can be taken out of the sentence and still make sense.

        Like

    • Bend sknsn
      March 11, 2016

      You didn’t spell enough right but you call people dumb😂😂😂😂

      Like

    • jake
      March 12, 2016

      Ha! Easycheese is a dumbass imp!

      Like

    • Joy
      March 12, 2016

      I know this is fake. However, considering some of the dumb stuff people are really getting killed over is this really out of the realm of possibility? Some people do some of the dumbest shit every day.

      Like

    • D marti
      March 12, 2016

      We would have more people who can’t spell if you reproduce

      Like

    • Tiffany
      March 12, 2016

      Enough*** 😂😂

      Like

  28. JD
    March 10, 2016

    Next time block the App. It is very simple to do

    Like

  29. ANDRE4000
    March 10, 2016

    ADD ME IN FARMVILLE 2 I AM KILLING IT RIGHT NOW

    Like

  30. Yeahhhhhhhhhhh
    March 10, 2016

    I know this is fake but believe if it were real that it is valid reason to kill someone

    Like

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This entry was posted on March 8, 2016 by in News.

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