ST. LOUIS, MO – A 20-year-old man is in stable condition Monday afternoon after the gun he was posing naked with accidentally discharged and shot off his penis.
“We’ve never had someone shoot off their own junk before,” the police said in a statement. “There was a man who shot off his foot, a middle-schooler shot her guinea pig, and even a baby was able to shoot both his parents, but never someone’s own junk.”
“First I posed with this bad-ass look on my face,” said the man in a falsetto voice. “Then I thought the only thing girls like more than guns is men without shirts on, so I took my shirt off. To stand out from the rest of the shirtless gun-selfies, I decided to take my pants off because I read online that women like it when random guys send them pictures of their dick. I was trying to thrust my hips around and do the helicopter like my peen is another gun, but then the gun shot off instead of the camera.”
Police dropped all endangerment charges in exchange for him not filing a complaint about them expressing relief he won’t be able to reproduce.