MINNEAPOLIS, MN – In what school officials and police are ruling a simple misunderstanding, a security guard at a Minnesota high school faces no disciplinary action after accidentally kicking a student in the face 37 times in a row.
“I was making my rounds through the school,” the officer said in his statement. “I entered the classroom where the black child was being disruptive. I tripped, and grabbed her by the hair and took her down to the ground by mistake. Then my foot accidentally made devastating contact with her face several times. I counted 40 times, one for each time I failed the written exam for the police force, but the footage I masturbate to at home shows 37.”
The police said they do not suspect foul play as they are familiar with the security guard. “We can confirm he set the state record for most amount of times failing the exam. One time he cheated his way through but was laughed out the door during the psychiatric evaluation.”