The Valley Report

Newsworthy News

Coachella triples Porta-Potties to mask smell of patrons

DAVE WEASEL

Indio, CA – After several complains from neighbouring parks and cities, Coachella organizers were forced to use extreme measures to hide the smell of its festival-goers.

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“I’ve got a pretty good threshold for stink,” stated a homeless man. “But this was too much for me. It’s the smell of 198 000 people not showering and competing for who loves the smell of their own farts the most. Thousands of teenage girls vomiting after trying raspberry vodka for the first time doesn’t help.”

“It isn’t just lack of bathing, vomiting and farting,” a city councilman said. “It’s the craft beer served in Mason jars and vegan food trucks. The smell of that coming off their breath when people complaining about how much the band changed since their first album causes a lot of hot air.”

To combat the smell, they set up three times as many Porta-Potties than originally ordered. “We had an entire section at the front dedicated purely to kale diarrhea,” an organizer confirmed. “We were given a key to every city around us for our efforts. The smell of human dump is much more welcoming than pretentious music lovers.”

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This entry was posted on April 18, 2016 by in News.

Do not watch this

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