The Valley Report

Newsworthy News

Man gives up sex for life to vape in a fedora

DAVE WEASEL

SAN JOSE, CA – A 32-year-old man has accepted his fate as involuntarily celibate to smoke an e-cigarette while wearing a fedora.

vaping

“It started off as an accident,” says the man. “Women began distancing themselves when I started vaping in the first place, then they almost disappeared when I started going up to strangers to discuss flavours and tanks. With a cloud of crumble cake smoke around me, I found myself talking to no one at the bar about how uncredited those articles were about the potential dangers of vaping. Those articles never covered the fact that the vapour clouds are more effective at removing women around you than hover boards  and egg farts put together. The only friends I had left were the penpals -or- vapebros I met at the shop. The one woman that would come anywhere near me was my mom, who eventually had to get her friend to text me to leave her alone once I put the fedora on. It was worth it, look how badass I am. These glasses are not real though.”

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4 comments on “Man gives up sex for life to vape in a fedora

  1. Pingback: Man gives up sex for life to vape in a fedora - SARCnation

  2. Alex Dunbar
    November 3, 2016

    Reading through this post reminds me of my previous roommate! He continually kept preaching about this. I am going to forward this post to him. Pretty sure he’ll have a good read. I appreciate you for sharing!

    Like

  3. Sweet Lou
    September 6, 2016

    Guy needs a monocle.

    Like

  4. Pingback: Man gives up sex for life to vape in a fedora – Moonshine Method

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This entry was posted on April 20, 2016 by in News.

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