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Woman arrested for defecating on boss’ desk after winning the lottery


DAVE WEASEL

NEW YORK – A 41-year-old woman had the winning lottery ticket worth over 3 million dollars on Friday night, but showed up to work anyway on Monday to deliver one last package.

woman takes dump on boss desk 2

The courier company had no idea of her winnings. “I knew something was wrong because I came back from lunch and the door to my office was closed,” said the manager. I slowly opened the door to discover the woman with her pants around her ankles, hunched over on my desk like a hippopotamus/cheetah dropping a massive poo on my desk. She shot her head towards me and locked eyes. I was frozen in shock and fear. In my peripheral vision I saw a huge mud-monkey sliming out of her butt like a Play-Doh fun factory.”

“It was worth it,” the woman said on arrest. “On Friday when I realized I hit the lotto, I knew this would be the first thing I would do. I hit up every Mexican food truck and saved my dumps all weekend. I was shuffling around like a death-row inmate trying not to explode. I’ve been putting up with that guy’s shit for years, it’s time he put up with some of mine.”

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Dave Weasel

writer | comedian | musician | canadian | etc

What others say about : Woman arrested for defecating on boss’ desk after winning the lottery..


Michael Stiff

Maybe she “identifies” as a wild animal and has no concept of what a bathroom is. male, female, unisex, transgender, family…it doesn’t matter because wild animals let loose wherever they want. We must think of the animals and not discriminate against them by charging this person with a crime!

Shane Erwin

This is hilarious. However, if it was true (and it isn’t) her ex boss would probably get the entire 3 million in punitive damages when he sued “the crap” out of her.

Kbryson2016

What a foul pig. Karma is going to come to this piglet. What an idiot. Payback for that will be one hell of downer! Pig

Kristie Bryson

Talk about setting up bad Karma for yourself. I would have been that foul. Something bad is going to happen to this broad. What a pig.

Lori j Langton

If most people just shut up and do their job they would be treated just fine. So many whiners out there! I don’t find it funny at all that this disgusting woman did this…someone does make note that this did not really happen. If it did I hope she is not able to get another job…

Pammy

I think that is one of the funniest things I’ve heard! I can’t say that I wouldn’t have done the same If I had won the lottery! Hats off or should I say PANTS OFF to you lady!!

uncutfunk

well I know she is not a smart person but I hope he is because he could show her by getting some of that money with a lawsuit….. mental anguish… he can’t sleep at nite he no longer have the respect of the employees at his job man I would make her give me some of those millions lol people are so stupid lol.

Rockin Bob

TBH, I think SHE is the jerk in this situation.

She could have quit any time and found something better, but stayed around to bitch and complain and make other employees miserable with her incessant whining.

Yeah, it’s good she’s gone, but I don’t think the boss was the problem.

Chris

Well, she’s joining the elite white trash of rich people in this country. Show me one of those idiots who is broken here because they blow all their money

Kitty

Wow. What did he do to her? HOW in tarnations did he treat her for all of those years?! I would love to hear her story.

Rockin Bob

Courier companies are typically fast-paced, due to the time constraints on deliveries.

She was not obligated to work in an environment like that, she could have walked away any time.

But she decided to lose her shit and make an ass of herself.

Adam Ritter

if it ain’t a spoof, its just wrong, she could have left that job at any time on her own accord, that is just so wrong, and her parents must be ashamed of her, somethings are just not done!

Shawna

Hahaha hahaha nice! He had to be a great assnpulot to have his ex employee leave a Cleveland steemer on his desk lol

Let this be a warning to all asshole bosses lol

Good job Chickie poo lol

Pam

No matter what was up with the boss, you don’t do stuff like that. Trashy and very unclassy. She could have just left. Makes me sick how people think and act.

dokey

Wow, Ben Dover, I guess you think everyone is an Ass or a Moron!! We could be making a remark about your name as a joke, “Bend over”!! Take chill pill and laugh 😊

Edward Newcomb Jr.

So that adds a whole new meaning to “She takes the money & runs”….die-her-rear (pun intended) Thank you I will be here all week – there is a two drink maximum !

Brian Miller

There’s now a thousand spoof news sites it seems, all giving The Onion a bad name and all proliferating my Facebook timeline…..

Ralph

Such class. She’ll go through her $1.7 million (after taxes) in about 2 years and need her job back. Now she will have a criminal record and no good job references.

Cyn

I cannot imagine behaving in such a fashion. The money would have been my reward. Take the money and go.

thelazycomic

I applaud her. Most people in charge are clueless morons. I would have taken a dump on the boss’ chair… and then turned the lights out. No, I take that back. I would have removed the light bulbs. Randy McDaniels, TLC.

Ben Dover

No worse than the clueless morons who believe a satire/joke story from a site similar to ONION! First time on internet, moron?

dokey

Some people just can’t take a joke! If it’s not a real site, just say so! You don’t have to be a Moron and call everyone who posted a Moron!! Chill out!!

Eric

There’s always two sides to any story. The boss may have been an ash holé, or maybe she was a sheet employee. Should’ve taken the money and runs

Lottery Winner Takes A Steaming Dump On Her Boss' Desk And Is In Jail Now

[…] a 41-year-old woman did that and more after she won 3 million dollars on Friday. According to Valley Report, she still showed up to work on Monday just to give her boss a parting […]

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