Woman arrested for defecating on boss’ desk after winning the lottery


DAVE WEASEL

NEW YORK – A 41-year-old woman had the winning lottery ticket worth over 3 million dollars on Friday night, but showed up to work anyway on Monday to deliver one last package.

woman takes dump on boss desk 2

The courier company had no idea of her winnings. “I knew something was wrong because I came back from lunch and the door to my office was closed,” said the manager. I slowly opened the door to discover the woman with her pants around her ankles, hunched over on my desk like a hippopotamus/cheetah dropping a massive poo on my desk. She shot her head towards me and locked eyes. I was frozen in shock and fear. In my peripheral vision I saw a huge mud-monkey sliming out of her butt like a Play-Doh fun factory.”

“It was worth it,” the woman said on arrest. “On Friday when I realized I hit the lotto, I knew this would be the first thing I would do. I hit up every Mexican food truck and saved my dumps all weekend. I was shuffling around like a death-row inmate trying not to explode. I’ve been putting up with that guy’s shit for years, it’s time he put up with some of mine.”

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Dave Weasel

writer | comedian | musician | canadian | etc

What others say about : Woman arrested for defecating on boss’ desk after winning the lottery..


Javed

She only doled out what she’s made of………..and if it’s ment to be a joke, the comment is for the shit he/she is made of………And why are we all wasting our time commenting on this piece of shit……..what are we made of!!!!!!!!

Shasta Smith

Good for her. I may have done the same if I had a shitty boss I had to cow down to for years. What a load off. I once nailed a steak that I let rot for a week to an exroommaits door, cause he told my other roommates that I stole his steak and ate it. I did not. I moved out less than a month later. Not before I left him a little present. A beautiful 16 oz fillet minion. Calling with maggots and smelling foul, just like Jolie. I probably would have let it go, except for the fact that I paid for a new steak even if I didn’t eat it, and he still harassed me till I felt forced to move. That guy is now in prison for drugs, taking one of my other roommates with him.

Kevin Booth

I’m just amazed at what we have become as human beings. A story like this, fake or not, isn’t the problem the comments are the problem. Yes the story is from a site known for entertainment news, but the way people attack eachother in the comments really bothers me. Spelling and politics is every other comment on every post these days. I make spelling errors, I hate that shit, so I try to stay away from the auto correct and look up the right spelling. That being said I have a bad memory and don’t always remember what the spelling is and I make mistakes still. People slay others for spelling and grammar issues these days and to me anyways it comes off as “I can spell, I’m smart.” I don’t really feel the need to prove my intelligence or disprove someone’s intelligence and I think the whole spelling issue has gotten way out of hand. The other problem is politics and yes I have my personal views, I’m aware of what’s happening in the world and yes things can always be better. I just think it’s funny and sad how every four years it turns into a political comment half the time on every subject. You could say “my personal favorite type of pie is apple” and you will get “must be a Obama, Trump, Clinton, socialism etc supporter” comments. I don’t think the comment section of a post is the best platform for political discussion. If I was as deeply involved in politics as so many appear to be I would have to go be a politician, I mean you could do a lot move as an actual politician than just by leaving comments about the issues. I guess my real issue in all of these things is how we look at and treat others. People should take it a little bit easier, we are all human, no one is perfect and we all make mistakes.

Carletta Wilson

🙏🏻👊🏻 you said it with class and elegance… Thank you… I would agree we have so many judges that sit behind there keyboards but Would never have the guts to say it to any ones face… I wish everyone would spend a little time being more kind and caring and less critical of others… I’ve always said don’t judge someone else unless your house is in order to include yourself…. That’s the problem of today… Everyone feels they are so much better until they’re in that person shoes…

danielnotdan

“I mean you could do a lot move as an actual politician…”
Do you mean, “I mean you could do a lot moRe as an actual politician…”?

It’s great being smarter then you. 😉

AJ

Totally agree Daniel! I try to keep my snippy comments within the realm of mutual respectability. One can be snippy without being insulting or disparaging. What blows my mind is the 100s of comments since my post that ignored the content of the satirical story for sake of disparagement.

jimbo

The great thing is, that Obama has a power over you and he effectively shits on you everyday and doesn’t know it or care. You’ll never have that power over him.

Freon

The news is notorious for reporting satire as fact–most reporters get their news from their Facebook feeds nowadays, and no one fact checks anything.

Betty Lewis

Snopes was found to be false also. It turns out they were a husband & wife team who were spouting their own leftist liberal views on anything political, and just using several search engines for simple “look ups”

Michele

Who needs the Sunday paper comics…thanks everyone for the laughs! These comments confirm why we are in the position were in….take a bow

Greg

Winning lottery ticket = 3 million dollars
Shitting on your bosses desk, on your way out = priceless

K Nicholson

Duh… you really needed to look this up on Snopes???? Of course its false… this site is for entertainment only…. lol

Betty Lewis

August 9, 2016

Snopes was found to be false also. It turns out they were a husband & wife team who were spouting their own leftist liberal views on anything political, and just using several search engines for simple “look ups”

Ben Dover

Really loser? Then what is YOUR reply? Not politics and ,.of course, typical sore-losers republican response?!! By the way,morrrron, if socialism falls on your head, you still wont know what it is! Clueless iddiot!!

Aaron pitts

And this is obviously a bullshit post. So ” doo doo on the desk loves trump” do you believe everything you read on the internet or just the easiest headlines to read?

rickyrock7

Hey Dover…your very ignorant…and arrogant the perfect blend of why you are a limited human being!
When Ben Dover you finally pull your meat head out of your stank ass, go live with the biggest liar Killary and ask the burn what that sorry loser ever gave anyone that was helpful…..living with his,Mom and Dad til 42 yrs of age?When will your parents kick you out?When you turn 57?lmao…Ben Dover your ass is full…..

Mark

If your going to hammer someone, at least learn a bit about grammar and spelling…..lol

AJ

So many gullible people out there. “It must be true because I read on the internet!” If you took the 30 seconds to scroll down and read the disclaimer on the website it says, “Some of these stories may be exaggerated, embellished or an outright work of fiction. Use proper judgment when reading anything on the internet. Share anywhere you want, but do not repost content without permission.” The author is also a comedian (I personally enjoy his satire).

Anthony

Like seriously?? $3million and she thinks its what, her life is forever secured? If she has the brians to do what she did, then i gues she has the brains to throw that money away in a year. In the end whose reputation has been ruined?? Dont think its the boss. Hes just gonna order a cleaning service to take care of her shit but for, exposing herself and doing that shit has ruined her reputation. Dont know if she has friends she can say this shit to. For now, its likely shes gonna loose atleast half of that money in to her boss. Did i read some of saying what is he gonna sue her for?? Uve got to be kidding me if you think she cant be sued for all the shit shes worth.

Jake

Maybe that’s the twist. She’s okay with spending 3 million to shit on someone’s desk.

Onion

Ummmmm…Anthony, this story is NOT real. It is a fake story, on fake news website. You wasted a lot of time typing out your thoughts on this “woman,” when all you needed to do was read the above comments. Sorry buddy!

Steve

People who believe this story are the ones who believe obama and hillary are honest caring people who are qualified to hold ANY political office let alone POTUS

Brian Karen

After she is declared guilty the boss will sue her in civil court for emotional distress. 3 Million dollars will be his reward.

Richard Bevis

better hope court dont take lunch break cause this lady probably feeling round 2 powering up from all that mexican food! seems she likes to live on the edge the honor’s pearch is in compromise thanks to THE DESK JOCKEY

Robert

ORIGIN:On 25 April 2016, entertainment web site The Valley Report published a fake news article claiming that a woman was arrested for defecating on her supervisor’s desk after she had won more than $3 million from a lottery ticket:

Jibba jabbs

Are you REALLY leaving a comment on this article stating that this article is the source of this article?
PRIORITIES, BOT. PRIORITIES.

Captain Obvious

@TJ In the comment that she was replying to.

That being said, I understand that there is a segment of the population that subscribes to the notion that proper grammar and spelling isn’t really a requisite for posting on the Internet. Not true. Honestly, if you CAN’T spell or use correct grammar, you don’t have any business providing commentary. It’s not that you’re lazy…there is actually technology present on your devices that take care of laziness…it’s that you are stupid and uneducated. You spend the majority of your time running your mouths without thinking. Read and write a little more. For your sake, and the sake of those in your immediate vicinity.

Lynn

Quit with the spell check comments already. Everyone knows now that if you are using your phone to type these messages your so called smart phones seem to think you mean something else when you actually mean what you typed. My phone is always changing a word or two without my seeing it until after I send it and some of those messages can end up being very humorous or stupid. So don’t be stupid, just use common sense in reading what the person wrote. Good grief Charlie Brown.

JOHN MOUSSIAUX

Did you know that with just the littlest bit of motivation and a sprinkling of googling, you can deactivate auto correcting on your phone, thereby allowing you to say what you want instead of, as you said, making it the responsibility of the reader to interpret your half assed comments into something? Lynn, i know that you are saying that you are too stupid, self involved, and admittedly boring to have the interest to even read your own frothing untellectualism, (that’s me using common sense in reading what you wrote right there) but if you can’t be bothered to read your own work, just to make sure it makes sense, why would you inflict the burden of trying to understand it onto ransom people on the internet? Outside of a perverse and inexplicable sense of self importance, that is?

13iswaytoolong@gmail.com

Captain Obvious:

my fvaoreit prat of yuor cemomt on gmmrar/seplilng was wrehe you msporlerpiy paeird the pulral from of the vreb “takes/take” with the sniglaur from of the wrod “technology/technologies.”

And don’t try to cop out by claiming that “technology” can be understood as representing a plurality of programs etc. In YOUR comment you are clearly using it in the singular form when you say “there IS (singular form of the word “to be”) technology…”
Now that is sarcastic (here I am giving you an opportunity to enjoy what I am sure is a favorite pastime of yours: explaining the difference between irony and sarcasm to all the “stupid and uneducated” people who make your life such a trial and a burden).

I take it you consider yourself well educated. I don’t. Even if you are “book smart” (all evidence to the contrary) a true education (in the eyes of history, not common core) consists in the development of virtue and wisdom as much as in the acquiring of skills and information (as merely a rhetorical argument for this, I will simply note that we would not consider the Hitler Youth to be well educated, no matter how great their skills or how much information they had acquired. True education must consist in more than this). When, with so little provocation, you put down strangers in such a cruel and ironically stupid way you show yourself to be one for whom was intended:

A little learning is a dangerous thing;
drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring:
there shallow draughts intoxicate the brain,
and drinking largely sobers us again.

Now, you are probably the product of some vast, production line-like “institution of higher learning” which I will hold as much responsible as yourself for your sorry state.

Your silly comment, in case you try to delete or edit it:
@TJ In the comment that she was replying to.

That being said, I understand that there is a segment of the population that subscribes to the notion that proper grammar and spelling isn’t really a requisite for posting on the Internet. Not true. Honestly, if you CAN’T spell or use correct grammar, you don’t have any business providing commentary. It’s not that you’re lazy…there is actually technology present on your devices that take care of laziness…it’s that you are stupid and uneducated. You spend the majority of your time running your mouths without thinking. Read and write a little more. For your sake, and the sake of those in your immediate vicinity.

13iswaytoolong@gmail.com

@JOHN MOUSSIAUX

Oh my gosh. I just scrolled down a bit further in the thread, and just noticed how in your comment on spell checking you said “ransom” where you meant “random.” At this point I would like to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you are being intentionally ironic. If not, please refer to my comment @Captain Obvious for your well-deserved smack down.

Kathie Simons

Do I detect a little jealousy here from some of u. Koodles for her. I know she shouldn’t have done what she did, but he had to be one nasty boss for anyone to do what she did.

Onion

“Koodles?” haha! It’s “kudos!” and I LOVE that you put this comment, believing that this actually happened! THEN above it you put a disclaimer that you “forgot” to say the story isn’t true…..you didn’t forget….you didn’t realize it was a joke until you posted this! You definitely believed it! Lol!

BC

That’s some low energy reckless thinking. She’ll be broke in 2 years serving him coffee at a drive thru window.

K.

Ya gotta wonder what kind of a jerk he was for her to go to such lengths. No one does something like that just for laughs. Even with good reason, it’s pretty disgusting and isn’t going to change the way he acts. I would also prefer my coworkers remember me for something else.

Jibba jabbs

It makes me wonder what kind of place would hire someone like her, if she had actually existed, i mean. Which she doesn’t.

Hey Hey

The company gave her and job that she had to be thankful for and this low-class loser repays them w/this. His description was priceless.

Jason Burston

comon this is priceless and i have had bosses like that before and i feel getting one back and showing that no one likes you cause your a C@#T might just pull his head in

Jason Burston

just because a company gave someone a job doesn’t mean the boss can treat you any different than he treats his family ….after all we are all human and deserve respect

Jim

Wow, there are SO many celebrating this deplorable act. Whatever happened to rising up and being better than the enemy, by NOT lowering ourselves to do something despicable back to someone that we loathe? Seriously, people! Is the REVENGE mindset the world YOU want to live in?

Tammy

To tell you the truth I’m glad she did what she did and we don’t have to take any man’s b’s that treats us like that. We deserve respect and i think it’s funny and she stood up for what she believes in.

Keith

I realize we were meant for each other when moaned “Donald Trump” while taking a shit…is marriage all we get to do? Can we have gratuitous shit satire while we consumate our Faux Republican Turdmeister??? Please

David

Even if she did use her winning to bail herself out shed get it back as soon as it was done with.

lisa

If ya get treated like shit, you’re going to be shit on!
What goes around, comes around…it’s called KARMA!

R*b

Wonder what kind of a sh*t he was pulling for her to sh*t on his desk. How sh*tty of him to cause her to feel like a sh*t and actually sh*th like that. They were both probably sh*ten embarrassed. If you’re in a sh*tty job, sh*ten quit. It’s not worth the Sh*t they dish out.

Lexie

Well, he can sue her now and she will be in need of another job, that should be a fun interview. Why did you leave your last job Hmmmm

Mike Brown

The law suit wont get very far chief.What are you gonna sue for?? Mental damages?..LOL..Or maybe damage to his desk papers..Yeah she’ll be fine.

Joseph Hodge

Three million is a lot of money. Why would you assume its going to run out? With a little common sense and business acumen she’s set for life

anonymouseone2016

haven’t you read of these people who dont plan and overspend and don’t account for taxes (1/3 gone) and then every so-called friend or anyone remotely related comes out of the woodwork wanting money. plus the constant dunning letters from charities etc too all wanting a handout. if winners don’t plan for how to spend and invest and resist the ‘trolls’ then it is too easily gone.

Bingo

She finally overcame sexism, and for the first time in her career, found herself at the top of the heap.

Fue arrestada por defecar en el escritorio de su jefe luego de ganar US $3 millones en la lotería – Soy Key

[…] The Valley Report, Sarah, la mujer de 41 años, tuvo palabras para referirse a los hechos justo cuando fue […]

Fue arrestada por defecar en el escritorio de su jefe luego de ganar US $3 millones en la lotería | Actualidad + Tendencia

[…] The Valley Report, Sarah, la mujer de 41 años, tuvo palabras para referirse a los hechos justo cuando fue […]

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