Paul Ryan implements dress code: women required to cover arms and mouths


WASHINGTON – Women on Capital Hill are now banned from wearing sleeveless dresses and forced to cover their mouths with duct tape.

paul ryan

“That’s not exactly how it is,” Ryan stated. “Women are free to use gags or paper bags over their heads if something is blocking their mouths from talking. We need to enforce a system of modesty so we don’t distract the men from making laws. When women speak, it slows down the process. When they show parts of their body, it creates a distraction for the boys. Not to mention it’s a safety concern if the president is in the room.”

A young reporter was forced out for having her bare shoulders exposed. “That skank was in here with her ankles in full view!” A House rep said. “In order to make America gerrplle gee gappy, we need to force these women into wearing ski suits when they’re not at home baking pies.”

“If women want to be taken seriously,” added Ryan. “They should dress in a full suit and tie and have a wiener.” 

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Dave Weasel

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