AZ sets firearm wait period for ex-cons to ‘length of Uber ride from jail to office’


PHOENIX, AZ – Lawmakers in Arizona have hit a new low — in terms of the time an ex-con needs to wait to purchase a gun.


A state congressman said “a waiting period ensures the safety of everyone involved. A typical prisoner is released with only $18 in his account, which leaves them with one Uber Pool ride to the office to sign for their firearm. During that time, a lot can happen. Why should we punish every American because most fatalities are a family member instead of an intruder?”

“Prisoners are American,” the out-of-breath congressman stated. “In order to make sure the good guys are armed, the bad guys have to be armed too. This way, all the good guys with minor previous convictions like unpaid traffic tickets, DUIs, domestic abuse — you know, the bullshit ones — have access to the guns. It’s 2017, what man hasn’t murdered his ex-girlfriend’s pet and sent letters in its blood threatening to murder her for marrying another man?”


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Dave Weasel

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