Sean Spicer resigns and returns to the bushes


WASHINGTON – Sean Spicer gave up the glamorous life as the White House Press Secretary to get back to his roots in the bushes.

Spicer told the president this morning, “you can’t fire me because I quit!” moments before he was about to be replaced by the Mike Huckabee child that didn’t murder a dog at summer camp. He was among this current administration that followed through with creating more jobs than any other in history – In comedy casting.

After hiding from reporters in the bushes during a press covfefe, Spicer made it clear he had one foot out the door and in the wilderness. “It’s time to go back to the bushes,” Spicer said in a statement. “If a tree falls in the woods, does it make an inaccurate Holocaust comparison?”

“We need to keep the circus tradition alive by hiring someone that doesn’t know what the fuck they’re doing,” a White House representative said. “When going through our list of candidates we keep in the margin of the page in the dictionary with the definition of ‘nepotism,’ we found Sarah. So far, she hasn’t tortured any dogs like other members of her family.”


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Dave Weasel

writer | comedian | musician | canadian | etc

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