Zombies Debate Whether or Not to Eat American Brains


MARY GRACE LAMBERT

LITTLE ROCK, AR – With another GOP health care measure stuck in Bipartisan purgatory-limbo-hell, zombies are now worried about the safety of consumption of American brains. “I mean, both physically and emotionally it seems that this particular breed of homo sapien is not safe to chomp on,” grunted head of the Zombie Cranium Consumption Administration as he roamed around the weekly Brain Farmers Market. Deep dish American gray matter pie was once revered as a delicacy to the undead around the globe, but now zombies fear that American brains no longer meet necessary quality standards.

The plummeting Zombie hoards in small town America reflect the zombie public’s distrust that American brains are functioning at all. Specific concerns about brain hazards are the misuse of Mountain Dew additives, Presidency Twitter toxins, and freshness from street to Deep dish American gray matter pie was once revered as a delicacy to the undead around the globe, but now zombies fear that American brains no longer meet necessary quality standards. The plummeting Zombie hoards in small town America reflect the zombie public’s distrust that American brains are functioning at all. Specific concerns about brain hazards are the misuse of Mountain Dew additives, Presidency Twitter toxins, and freshness from street to alley way.

Zombie officials worry it will impact their tourist and “foodie” industries. The sacred Zombie feeding festivals are held during the rainy season. A majority of zombie families travel to places like Georgia and Mississippi to feast on human brains. The hoards will be sure to miss “Walking Temporal Nachos” and “Frontal lobe funnel cakes.” The Zombie Prime Minister, Zombert Zmith, is looking to run in 2020 in order to Make American Brains Delicious Again.

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Dave Weasel

writer | comedian | musician | canadian | etc

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