John McCain saved by free health care in time to revoke it from 32 million


DAVE WEASEL

WASHINGTON – In a dramatic turn of events, Sen. John McCain returned to the Capitol just in time to deliver a devastating vote to proceed with the debates on repealing and replacing the Affordable Care Act, leaving 32 million people without health insurance.

“The thing none of you will ever understand is that there are no sides. There are no heroes or villains. There’s just what I want and how I’ll get it.” – Magneto. Also, Mike Pence

McCain was diagnosed with brain cancer last week and had a front-of-the-line pass to receive the procedure to remove a blood clot from his left eye, with the government footing the bill. “Thankfully the process happened in time to make sure only my life can be saved,” McCain stated while casting his vote with one hand and patting himself on the back with the other. “Allow me to rephrase that, only my life will be saved, and the lives of everyone deciding which Americans will receive life-saving health care, and which ones will not.”

Cloaked in a dark hood and cape, Mike Pence swooped in to break the tie while uttering a quote from Marvel villain Magneto. “The thing none of you will ever understand is that there are no sides. There are no heroes or villains. There’s just what I want and how I’ll get it.”

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Dave Weasel

writer | comedian | musician | canadian | etc

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