Trump builds wall around Florida to keep Hurricane Jose Out


MARY GRACE LAMBERT

Early Thursday morning, President Donald Trump rose from Jared and Ivanka’s bed in time for his morning Twitter rant. As the President scrolled down his feed he kept seeing the name “Jose” being retweeted. Concerned that an hombre like Jose was headed to the USA, Trump called for a confidential press meeting with Fox and the National Guard.
The press conference began with flashing lights and a disco ball. “Jose is a huge threat to USA’s national security. Very bad, no good, bad yes, good no,” was announced by Siri as Trump leapt through a flaming hoop in a Tae Kwon Do uniform. Trump did some sweet karate chops above the microphone before he addressed the press. “We must keep Florida safe. If Jose reaches land then every single job and white woman will be taken,” commented Trump amidst a flurry of camera flashes.
“It is for this reason,” continued Trump, “That I will begin immediate construction along the border of Florida.” The wall is estimated to cost 15 batrillion dollars but President Trump assures that he will make the category 4 storm pay for it. A reporter began asking questions if the wall would take away from Hurricane aid relief funding. Trump threw him out and googled what a hurricane was.
Trump ended the press conference with an impromptu self-defense class. “When a Jose says hola you have to say ‘Hiya’, ok, ‘hiiiiiiiiya’ is how you scare off a Jose.”
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