Trump: Tougher immigration in 1620 would’ve kept terrorist’s ancestors out
WASHINGTON – In the wake of a foiled terrorist plot, President Trump doubles-down on his immigration stance.
“This man’s great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandparents came here from England 400 years ago,” Trump stated, out of breath. “There was a ship known as the Mayflower that carried these dangerous criminals over. After centuries of breeding, they produced a man who was planning a terrorist attack in San Francisco. Do you know what the U.K. stands for? United mexiKans. We need to ban Europeans from entering the country!”
An estimated 2/3 of the American population are descendants of European immigrants. The president has offered a solution.
“We get them out. White right-wing extremists account for over twice as many terrorist incidents than Islamic extremists, so everyone with European heritage has to get out of the country. If you think about it it’s the Native Americans fault for letting in so many white people. We’re going to build a wall from Maine to Florida, and the country of Europe is going to pay for it.”
When Trump’s own German ancestry was pointed out, he had this retort:
“I’m German! No German has ever done anything wrong to anyone, ever, at least that I know of. If they did, you can’t paint us all with the same brush.”