Roy Moore fired as Walmart greeter for lurking in raspberry lip gloss aisle

GADSDEN, AL – Recently unemployed Alabama politician Roy Moore was just let go from his new position as a door-greeter at Walmart for skulking around the lip gloss aisle instead of the front door.

“Technically, I wasn’t fired for this,” Moore stated. “Since I was banned from the mall the store is in, my employment was invalid from the start. Not just that, I am not fired if I do not concede. That’s right, if I deny the termination – it never happened. That’s the America I’m fighting for. Global warming doesn’t exist, the South won the Civil War, and black vote is fraud vote.”

“He was just standing there, breathing heavily,” said a young woman shopping for cosmetics. “He asked me my age, so I told him nineteen. He then called me ‘grandma’ and said I was never allowed back in the store again unless I’m picking up medication or adult diapers.”



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Dave Weasel

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