Dog sentenced to two months in county pound for having ‘Hitler mustache’


SCOTLAND – A small, gross dog has been convicted by the higher canine courts for sporting a mustache resembling Hitler’s.

“He can’t help it, that’s just the way his fur grows!” the dog’s lawyer pleaded. The case was not helped by footage posted on social media of the dog walking through broken glass with his legs stretched far out, similar to the Nazi march. “He didn’t want to get broken glass on his paws! C’mon!”

The court said the mustache was grown in ‘bad taste’ and is oppressive to other people’s feelings. “This dog is oppressing the bubble some individuals have created to separate themselves from reality and reason. The dog was also spotted by neighbors reaching for a dog treat, just like how the Nazis salute. Is this a joke? Here in 2018, the only thing worse than Nazism is a joke about it.”

The courts added, “Even if the mustache was grown as a joke, we do not appreciate making light of radical authoritarian nationalism. To punish it, we must censor what people, sorry – dogs, are allowed to do and say and put them in prison for expressing themselves.”


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Dave Weasel

writer | comedian | musician | canadian | etc

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