Trump trains hard for Olympic backpedaling
WASHINGTON – As Republicans begin to hold President Trump accountable for him submitting to Russia, he begins training for a potential spot on the Olympic backpedaling Team.
“I told my bud Vlad one thing, but I meant another,” Trump said as he sits on his handlebars. “When I said ‘would’ I meant ‘wouldn’t’. For example, ‘I wouldn’t take help from Russia, jay kay I totes would’. See?”
The president begins cycling behind a Russian bakery. “This is like that time I said it’s the Democrat’s fault for putting children in cages, even though it was my order for zero tolerance. Remember I said only they can free them, then I turned around and signed an executive order? I’m so ready for the Olympics. Nobody can backpedal like me.”
Although Trump can handle his own behind the bakery, taking on the world’s stage is another ordeal. “Look, if people are going to believe me, then I’m in the game. It’s only when people say, ‘hey look at that old fool, he can’t backpedal his way through this!’ that I can stop. For now, weeeeeeeeee!”
It is unclear which country Trump is training for.