William Barr: “I am a legal expert with a law degree from Trump University”
WASHINGTON -After Barr’s disastrous testimony before the Senate Judiciary Committee, many people are questioning the legal credentials and competency of the Attorney General.
“My legal expertise is top shelf,” Barr proclaimed. “I went to Trump University, the finest school in the country. When studying immigration policies, I personally put three migrant children in a catapult and launched them over the border. I aced my torts class mock hearing by saying “adurr I don’t remember” over and over. That’s a stable genius legal move right there. For my ethics class I bit off a piece of the constitution and swallowed it, preventing any moral liability when lying to the American people to cover someone. And I was never kicked out, I was ‘forcibly removed’. I had to finish through correspondence, scratching my answers in a truck stop bathroom stall. For the bar exam, I had to run in a circle and fart three times in a can, so don’t question me or my competency again.”
It remains unclear if William Barr is aware he is not living in a cartoon version of reality.