Banned from social networks, Alex Jones now posting from Applebee’s bathroom

DALLAS – Alex Jones, former Youtube, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram account holder, has taken matters into his own hands over his latest removal from various social media platforms.

“Not everyone can just have a social media account, so if these networks want to get rid of me, fine,” stated Jones. “I found a place so low it’s impossible to get booted from. The bathroom at the Applebee’s attached to the mall.”

“They say I’m racist, but that’s not true. I just list out ways other races are flawed and how my own is clearly superior.”

“He’s technically a paying customer, so we have to let him use the bathroom,” said the restaurant manager. “Once every 90 minutes he orders an Awesome Blossom, which would keep anyone in the bathroom all day.”

In its 19th part of the series, Jones is continuing his theory that Hillary farted on her dog. “I’m getting to the bottom of this. I bet it was when she was cooking in the kitchen. She said, ‘come here puppy’ and she turned her rump and farted on his face, and Bill covered for her. That’s what I think happened. It’s Benghazi all over again, but for canines.

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Dave Weasel

writer | comedian | musician | canadian | etc

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