Migrant caravan threatens American way of life at McDonald’s drive-thru

FARGO – The worst fear of conservatives became real as the migrant caravan coming from the north crossed over onto American soil.

“Those god damn moose jockeys shouldn’t have gotten in,” says a McDonald’s employee. “They just lined right up and ordered take ‘oot‘ from OUR drive-thru! They were asking for double beaver burgers with a side of Toronto Maple Leafs, whatever the hell that is. Oh, and maple syrup milkshakes with subsidized post-secondary education mixed in. Go (nickel)back to your own country, you lumberjack-offs!”

“I’m sure some are very fine people,” said the president. “But they’re bringing crime. Their murderers. Their hockey players. Their Z-list comedians. And that’s pronounced Zee list, not Zed list for any hosers listening.”

“We just wanted some cheaper gas, eh,” one migrant was quoted saying. “We came from all over, met at Portage Place in Winnipeg, got 100 pairs of jeans for $20 then headed south. We didn’t think it would be such a big deal. While we were here, we bought some shoes, scuffed them up, and plan to sneak them over the border on our feet.”

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Dave Weasel

writer | comedian | musician | canadian | etc

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