Dangerous new teen trend sees students lunging at school shooters

LOS ANGELES – Between car surfing, alcohol enemas, car surfing, and then the Tide Pod Challenge, teens have found their most dangerous trend yet.

“Since there’s no way to stop these school shootings, we must educate children on how to escape with the least amount of injuries,” said a lawmaker. “We made singalong songs to help the kids remember what to do in these situations. We organized a massive thoughts and prayers ceremony where all the people in charge held hands and did a rain dance. There’s really nothing else we can do.”

“We have got to hold parents responsible,” a school principal added. “These weapons are designed to kill 5-50 people at once, and they’re everywhere. We should start criminally charging parents of dead children for not homeschooling their kids. If you don’t want your kids shot at school, why send them there in the first place?”

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Dave Weasel

writer | comedian | musician | canadian | etc

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