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Endangered animals disguised as white supremacists receive government protection


WASHINGTON – After years of living in the shadows of klan meetings and message boards, white supremacists have enjoyed two years of being called ‘good people’ by the president without recourse.

“As an endangered species, it looked like white supremacists were going to be completely silenced,” said one tiki torch carrier. “Now, expressing our views is not only encouraged,  we also seem to have a lot more people that agreed with us all along. By disguising our racism as ‘patriotism’, many of us have crawled out in high numbers, removing us from the endangered species list.”

“With the cuts to the Endangered Species Act, I was screwed,” said an eagle. “The only way out of this was to carry around a tiki torch and yell about white lives matter. That’s what did the trick. Thanks to current policy, we finally get the protection we need.”

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Dave Weasel

writer | comedian | musician | canadian | etc

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