BOOMING ECONOMY: Wrongfully convicted prisoners now making $0.12 per hour
BOISE, ID – Innocent American prisoners are reaping a booming economy as they now make 12 cents per hour.
“When the DA threw out evidence proving my innocence, I knew I had to turn my act around,” says one prison factory worker. “I realized we must all do our part and serve our country – locked up for a few years working for major corporations looking for a humane way to prosper from slave labor. How else can our elected officials get the funding from for-profit prison systems needed to win? At this rate, I’ll have my debt to society paid off in about a thousand years.”
A prison economic expert weighed in. “This helps reform people who have made mistakes in the past like being born. Now they can work with some dignity. Not like a human being or anything, but more like a dog. Wait, it depends on the dog. A homeless mutt that bites children on the face, yes. Something like a golden retriever, I mean, c’mon. No.”