Study links vaping to celibacy

SEATTLE – As more research reveals the dangers of e-cigarettes, a shocking discovery was found in one recent study; vaping decreases your longterm chances of sexual encounters.

“It’s not just long-term, it’s also in the short-term. Like… immediately,” stated one researcher. “When you combine the scented flavors like Unicorn Diarrhea or Mango Beer Pong with the sight of a massive douche-cloud surrounding the vapee, you create a sexual repellent stronger than an iron chastity belt.”

“Vaping is more than just a hobby, it’s a lifestyle,” stated someone named Chad or Kyle or whateverthefuck. “There’s a whole ritual that’s so sick. My parents think it’s a waste of time learning all these cool tricks. I told them, ‘whatever mom and dad! As soon as I’m 30, I’m outta here!’. They’ve been saving on their water bill anyway since I started using Axe body spray instead of showering.”

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Dave Weasel

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