Stepdad feels American deaths worth his hobby of getting too drunk at Applebee’s

TULSA, OK – A stepdad named Rich or Glenn or whatever stated over social media that his rights are being infringed by the lockdown.

“I get that people are dying, but I’m dying to hit up happy hour at Applebee’s” said his Facebook post. “People die all the time. It’s not my problem because it probably won’t happen to me. My right to drink too much and say something weird to the waitress is being taken away. It’s been a while since I gave my wife a black eye when the bartender makes my drink too strong, and the forefathers would be rolling in their graves over it!” He capped his post with several American flag emojis.

A later post had him video himself outside a gym. “Open this up so I can get my workout,” he shouted at the camera, out of breath. “I’m protesting by getting my full workout right here on the street. Pushups, sit-ups, a few jumping jacks. I made some dumbbells out of laundry detergent containers. It feels great! Now open it up so I can do this inside!”

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Dave Weasel

writer | comedian | musician | canadian | etc

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