Trump signs executive order to snag @DonaldTrump handle to replace @realDonaldTrump

WASHINGTON — The president has signed an executive order to shape social media policy for their users.

“It’s a real art of the deal what I’m doing here,” stated Trump. “I expertly negotiated with a private company that I will strong-arm them by making government-enforced rules to get what I want. I also get the right to change the terms of service I agreed to when I signed up. The new rule is “Donald gets to post whatever misinformation they want and @Jack has to retweet it”.

It remains unclear if the president will still have his account in the coming months. “The only way I’ll have to surrender the @POTUS account is if I’m unsuccessful in voter suppression. But as an American, it’s my right to shape laws around my presidency”.

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Dave Weasel

writer | comedian | musician | canadian | etc

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