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POSTS BY: DAVE WEASEL

Dave Weasel

writer | comedian | musician | canadian | etc

Members of Darth Vader’s estate ask Trump to stop playing ‘Imperial March’ at rallies

Members of Darth Vader’s estate ask Trump to stop playing ‘Imperial March’ at rallies

WASHINGTON – The family of the late Darth Vader issued a statement saying Donald...


Kanye allowed to speak in Oval Office despite failing ‘paper bag test’

Kanye allowed to speak in Oval Office despite failing ‘paper bag test’

WASHINGTON – In a move that shattered racial barriers, Kanye was permitted to speak...


Melania Trump releases ‘Billionaire Wife Bluez’ album

Melania Trump releases ‘Billionaire Wife Bluez’ album

WASHINGTON – After an interview where the first lady admitted her Be Best initiative...


New technology aids officers in randomly selecting ‘stop and frisk’ targets

New technology aids officers in randomly selecting ‘stop and frisk’ targets

CHICAGO – To help coax Chicago’s police department into adapting the ‘search and frisk’ rule,...


Kavanaugh confirmed in death metal band to play Devil’s Triangle

Kavanaugh confirmed in death metal band to play Devil’s Triangle

WASHINGTON – In a move that divided the metal community, Brett Kavanaugh has been...


Susan Collins to 2020 voters: “Fuck you, fuck you, you’re cool, fuck you I’m out”

Susan Collins to 2020 voters: “Fuck you, fuck you, you’re cool, fuck you I’m out”

WASHINGTON – In a bridge burning show of fireworks, Senator Collins announced she would...


Kavanaugh cleared of misconduct by FFFFFFBI

Kavanaugh cleared of misconduct by FFFFFFBI

WASHINGTON – The FFFFFFFBI concluded their investigation determining the judge crying on the stand...


‘Presidential Alert’ emergency message sent to 225 million US cell phones

‘Presidential Alert’ emergency message sent to 225 million US cell phones

WASHINGTON – A nationwide emergency text was sent out via the president this morning...


Trump brilliantly turns the tables on Cohen and owns the libs in one tweet

Trump brilliantly turns the tables on Cohen and owns the libs in one tweet

WASHINGTON – The president finally responded to Michael Cohen’s guilty plea, and manages to...


Town douche: Tolerance and acceptance aren’t cool anymore now that everyone’s into it

Town douche: Tolerance and acceptance aren’t cool anymore now that everyone’s into it

WOODLAND HILLS, CA – A local jackass took time out of his busy schedule...


Trump trains hard for Olympic backpedaling

Trump trains hard for Olympic backpedaling

WASHINGTON – As Republicans begin to hold President Trump accountable for him submitting to...


#WalkAway bot becomes self-aware, falls in love with its programmer

#WalkAway bot becomes self-aware, falls in love with its programmer

MOSCOW – A robot designed to flood social media with computer generated garbage posts...


NRA: “School shootings dramatically drop since summer vacation started”

NRA: “School shootings dramatically drop since summer vacation started”

FAIRFAX, VA – The NRA is touting a drop in the recent trend of...


Summer Camp Pals Reminisce About Sunset Views From Cages

Summer Camp Pals Reminisce About Sunset Views From Cages

EL PASO, TX – Two summer camp friends caught up with each other over...