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CATEGORY: NEWS

Apple engineer fired after iPhone 6s ‘Slutty Siri’ update is distributed

Apple engineer fired after iPhone 6s ‘Slutty Siri’ update is distributed

DAVE WEASEL CUPERTINO, CA – Apple’s faces are McIntosh red after complaints about the...


14 monkeys escape Nebraska zoo, half still at large

14 monkeys escape Nebraska zoo, half still at large

DAVE WEASEL LINCOLN, NE – Seven monkeys are on the loose today in downtown...


Sarah Palin: God takes ‘magic dumps’ to preserve American language

Sarah Palin: God takes ‘magic dumps’ to preserve American language

ERIC NORDQUIST WASHINGTON, DC – At a recent pro-war rally, Sarah Palin explained how...


Syria to take in American refugees if Donald Trump is elected

Syria to take in American refugees if Donald Trump is elected

DAVE WEASEL DAMASCUS – After a successful 14 second presentation by the Terrorism Board of Syria,...


“Dream come true” – Kim Davis accepted into Westboro Baptist Church

“Dream come true” – Kim Davis accepted into Westboro Baptist Church

DAVE WEASEL TOPEKA, KS – An official from the Westboro Baptist Church confirmed they...


New app ‘Dumpster Fire’ connects singles 30 minutes before & after bar closes

New app ‘Dumpster Fire’ connects singles 30 minutes before & after bar closes

DAVE WEASEL MIAMI, FL – A controversial mobile app is taking the singles scene...


Google’s newest logo lasts 38 seconds online

Google’s newest logo lasts 38 seconds online

DAVE WEASEL LOS ANGELES, CA – Earlier this week Google unveiled its new logo...


Abortions: The new fall trend in religious circles

Abortions: The new fall trend in religious circles

ERIC NORDQUIST God’s having a flash sale on abortions this year. It’s apparently the...


Overweight man, mistaken for woman, ticketed for exposing breasts at beach

Overweight man, mistaken for woman, ticketed for exposing breasts at beach

DAVE WEASEL MYRTLE BEACH, SC – A husky 39 year old man was issued...


Ireland’s economy collapses after McDonald’s wages raised to $15/hr

Ireland’s economy collapses after McDonald’s wages raised to $15/hr

ERIC NORDQUIST Ireland’s McDonald’s chain raised workers salaries to what translates to $15 US...


Man adopts rescue dog; only brings it up twice in job interview

Man adopts rescue dog; only brings it up twice in job interview

DAVE WEASEL  BURLINGTON, VT – A 26 year old graphic designer who interviewed for...


Woman arrested for stinking up bathroom and closing down restaurant

Woman arrested for stinking up bathroom and closing down restaurant

DAVE WEASEL CEDAR RAPIDS, IA – Police and fire-paramedics were called to a restaurant...


Midget locked in Walmart overnight after getting stuck in toilet

DAVE WEASEL TULSA, OK – A little person is furious after spending the night stuck in...


‘Awesomesauce’ and ‘bruh’ added to dictionary while ‘charm’ and ‘dignity’ removed

DAVE WEASEL CHICAGO, IL – On Wednesday the Oxford Dictionary announced the list of...