Advertisements

CATEGORY: NEWS

Chris Christie spends $3M on hourly blood/urine marijuana tests for campaign staff

Chris Christie spends $3M on hourly blood/urine marijuana tests for campaign staff

DAVE WEASEL MORRISTOWN, NJ – The New Jersey governor and candidate for the Republican...


Facebook bans user for buying homeless man a sandwich and not making a status about it

Facebook bans user for buying homeless man a sandwich and not making a status about it

DAVE WEASEL BURLINGTON, VT – A 31-year-old man has been permanently locked out of...


Titanic sequel confirmed to star Kanye West and the Olsen twins

Titanic sequel confirmed to star Kanye West and the Olsen twins

DAVE WEASEL LOS ANGELES, CA – The Titanic sequel has been confirmed to begin filming...


Canadians forced to insulate igloos

Canadians forced to insulate igloos

KONRAD ANDERSON OTTAWA, ON – As the federal election heats up in Canada, unemployment...


Lay’s forced to create ‘Childhood Obesity’ flavor after winning 90% of vote

Lay’s forced to create ‘Childhood Obesity’ flavor after winning 90% of vote

DAVE WEASEL ATLANTA, GA – The potato chip company Lay’s was legally forced to...


Confirmed: Facebook to add ‘dislike’ button and remove ‘logout’ feature

Confirmed: Facebook to add ‘dislike’ button and remove ‘logout’ feature

DAVE WEASEL SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Facebook announced on Wednesday they will be rolling...


Apple engineer fired after iPhone 6s ‘Slutty Siri’ update is distributed

Apple engineer fired after iPhone 6s ‘Slutty Siri’ update is distributed

DAVE WEASEL CUPERTINO, CA – Apple’s faces are McIntosh red after complaints about the...


14 monkeys escape Nebraska zoo, half still at large

14 monkeys escape Nebraska zoo, half still at large

DAVE WEASEL LINCOLN, NE – Seven monkeys are on the loose today in downtown...


Sarah Palin: God takes ‘magic dumps’ to preserve American language

Sarah Palin: God takes ‘magic dumps’ to preserve American language

ERIC NORDQUIST WASHINGTON, DC – At a recent pro-war rally, Sarah Palin explained how...


Syria to take in American refugees if Donald Trump is elected

Syria to take in American refugees if Donald Trump is elected

DAVE WEASEL DAMASCUS – After a successful 14 second presentation by the Terrorism Board of Syria,...


“Dream come true” – Kim Davis accepted into Westboro Baptist Church

“Dream come true” – Kim Davis accepted into Westboro Baptist Church

DAVE WEASEL TOPEKA, KS – An official from the Westboro Baptist Church confirmed they...


New app ‘Dumpster Fire’ connects singles 30 minutes before & after bar closes

New app ‘Dumpster Fire’ connects singles 30 minutes before & after bar closes

DAVE WEASEL MIAMI, FL – A controversial mobile app is taking the singles scene...


Google’s newest logo lasts 38 seconds online

Google’s newest logo lasts 38 seconds online

DAVE WEASEL LOS ANGELES, CA – Earlier this week Google unveiled its new logo...


Abortions: The new fall trend in religious circles

Abortions: The new fall trend in religious circles

ERIC NORDQUIST God’s having a flash sale on abortions this year. It’s apparently the...