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Donald Trump Jr. Gives Up On Plans to Learn Russian Alphabet

Donald Trump Jr. Gives Up On Plans to Learn Russian Alphabet

MARY GRACE LAMBERT WASHINGTON – In an effort to totally-nonchalant-nothing-to-see-here communicate with anyone Russian,...


AZ sets firearm wait period for ex-cons to ‘length of Uber ride from jail to office’

AZ sets firearm wait period for ex-cons to ‘length of Uber ride from jail to office’

DAVE WEASEL PHOENIX, AZ – Lawmakers in Arizona have hit a new low —...


Paul Ryan implements dress code: women required to cover arms and mouths

Paul Ryan implements dress code: women required to cover arms and mouths

DAVE WEASEL WASHINGTON – Women on Capital Hill are now banned from wearing sleeveless...


Chihuahua deported to Mexico despite insisting on being born in California

Chihuahua deported to Mexico despite insisting on being born in California

DAVE WEASEL WEST COVINA, CA – A chihuahua was given formal notice to vacate...


Chris Christie sat on throne of used needles to show Jersey Shore is clean

Chris Christie sat on throne of used needles to show Jersey Shore is clean

DAVE WEASEL NEWARK, NJ – Frustrated over the scrutiny of how filthy the Jersey...


Trump Magazine names Donald Trump sexiest man alive

Trump Magazine names Donald Trump sexiest man alive

DAVE WEASEL WASHINGTON — After reports of Donald Trump plastering his Florida resort with...


Grim Reaper joins healthcare reform panel

Grim Reaper joins healthcare reform panel

DAVE WEASEL WASHINGTON – In what Trump called a ‘big surprise’, the Grim Reaper...


KKK Grand Wizard “Dr.” David Duke uses history PHD to score barista job

KKK Grand Wizard “Dr.” David Duke uses history PHD to score barista job

DAVE WEASEL SEATTLE, WA – David Duke, the former KKK grand lizard, or wizard,...


Trump suggests New Mexico change name to Bible Eagle Dallas Cowboys

Trump suggests New Mexico change name to Bible Eagle Dallas Cowboys

WASHINGTON – During talks of the wall, the president made a strange suggestion to...


Webster’s adds ‘covfefe’ to dictionary, removes ‘presidential’ and ‘integrity’

Webster’s adds ‘covfefe’ to dictionary, removes ‘presidential’ and ‘integrity’

DAVE WEASEL SPRINGFIELD, MA – The American publishing giant added the word ‘covfefe’ to...


Pence: health care bill to only cover gay conversion therapy

Pence: health care bill to only cover gay conversion therapy

DAVE WEASEL WASHINGTON – After months of desperately trying to repeal Obamacare, Mike Pence...


Man shoots wife proving guns don’t kill people, people kill people

Man shoots wife proving guns don’t kill people, people kill people

MARY GRACE LAMBERT Lexington, KY – Upon reading a tweet from the extremist left...


Trumpcare: Americans no longer have to live with preexisting conditions

Trumpcare: Americans no longer have to live with preexisting conditions

WASHINGTON – One step closer to an inevitable death sentence for an incalculable amount...


Kid Rock takes break from singing Kid Rock songs at karaoke to visit White House

Kid Rock takes break from singing Kid Rock songs at karaoke to visit White House

WASHINGTON – To celebrate take-the-trash-to-work day, former musician Kid Rock graced Donald Trump and...